


Nuthatch

by sugarplumsenpai



Series: Wings of Freedom [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Pining, Post-Canon, Post-War, Tea, canonverse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-01
Updated: 2017-09-04
Packaged: 2018-12-09 21:49:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 30,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11677746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarplumsenpai/pseuds/sugarplumsenpai
Summary: After the war has ended, Levi finds himself thrown into coerced retirement. With nothing but time on his hands, he buys an old house, and throws himself into renovation work to fulfill himself an old, almost forgotten dream: opening a tea shop. If only he could forget about expressive, green eyes and a smile like sunshine. Luckily, he's still got Hanji.[Prequel to "Sparrow"]





	1. The House

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been simmering within me for months now. Lots of wonderful people have reached out to me during this time, to talk about writing in general, about their stories and my own alike, and about our favourite pair of dorks and why they are simply wonderful. Thank you so much to each and every single one of you! Without you this story would not have been written. Special thanks at this point to KurahieiritrJIO for all the inspiring insight on writing, the amazing help to make this story into what it is, and for teaching me so much whilst doing so. All remaining mistakes are my own. 
> 
> This fic has fan art now. Lots of thanks to [oekakiuma](http://sugarplum-senpai.tumblr.com/post/175782932245/oekakiuma-these-are-based-on-nuthatch-the) for being inspired by chapter 7. 
> 
> This story is also available as podfic read by the wonderful attraversiamo19 now. So if you prefer to listen to this story instead of reading it, you can find the recorded version [here](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13550094). Please check it out and leave the reader some love and feedback on doing such an amazing job. Thank you!

After serving the Military for over a decade, Levi lives to see the end of the war.

He is alongside the soldiers who win the final battle. He stands amongst his comrades, and so many more as they are given shiny medals. Levi is amongst his comrades again during the ceremony for those who have fallen. He also remains with his comrades during the victory banquet. What follows is his coerced retirement.

One week after receiving the news, Levi stands on the court of HQ with crossed arms, surrounded by excited laughter, goodbye hugs, and cheers. The first Survey Corps Exploration Team is heading into a free future beyond the walls, and Levi cannot go with them.

"So," Eren starts with eyes flitting around the yard, the reins of his mare in his hand. "This is it."

"Yes," Levi agrees.

"I, um,"

A soldier pushes through between them with her horse, causing them to get out of her way. Another one follows, and then there is Jean, jogging over to them.

"Captain," he says.

Eren stills. Frowns down at his feet.

"I'm not your Captain anymore, Jean," Levi says.

A scowl forms on Jeans brow and for a moment he looks just like the young man Levi got to know years ago. "Yeah, fuck what they say. They don't know shit." He holds out his hand. "Goodbye. For now."

Uncrossing his arms, Levi takes the offered hand and nods. "Take good care of yourselves out there." Holding on for a moment longer, he looks into light brown eyes. "Thank you."

Jean nods too, and with a final shake of Levi's hand he leaves Levi and Eren alone.

Searching Levi's gaze again, Eren clears his throat. "I," he begins once more.

"Eren." Mikasa's voice comes from nearby. "It's time."

Heaving a sigh, Eren turns around as a gust of cold wind ruffles his hair. "One second!" Turning back, Eren gives a brief, sad looking smile and when he talks again his voice is warm. "Thank you for the tea."

"Thought you could use it," Levi says.

"Yeah. Yeah, I can. Yours is much better than mine anyway. You didn't have to, though."

"I know."

"Well, thanks. Again." Falling silent, Eren gives the gravel under his feet a weak crunch. His mare nuzzles his neck. "I, um, I'll bring you something from the ocean when we find it." He frowns. "If."

"Good," Levi says.

"Eren!" Armin calls. "You coming?"

"I have to go."

"Yes," Levi says again, taking one final look as he tries to etch every little bit of Eren's existence into his mind for one last time. He has become so tall over the years, his shoulders broad, his jaw even stronger. His hands are so big, his hair has become even more untamed somehow. Eren's eyes have never lost their intensity. Quite the contrary. A flicker of an emotion flashes over them, full of unsaid words, but as quickly as it happened, it is cut off again. Eren frowns.

"Guess this is goodbye for a while, Levi."

Keeping his arms crossed and to himself, Levi nods, and reaches for his calmest voice. "Goodbye, Eren."

He watches Eren leave until he is out of sight and the sound of hooves and waggons is only an inkling in the distance. Levi looks at Hanji, and Hanji looks back, her eyes turning apprehensive and worried. Turning around, Levi wraps his coat tightly around his shoulders and walks out into the cold, early March morning.

"Where are you going?" Hanji calls after him. "They'll come back. You know that, right?"

Levi doesn't answer.

*~*~*~

Levi's feet carry him through the cobbled streets on their own. As he glances up a rather bedraggled building, he feels startled.

Maybe it's the chirping from a bird cutting through the crisp spring wind that caught his attention. Perhaps it's the heap of old foliage rustling on the building's doorstep. Maybe it's coincidence. Or maybe it's simply the start to his day. Whatever it is, it makes Levi stop in his aimless stroll and look closer.

The house is a narrow, unimposing thing, almost hiding itself in the shadows of the two adjacent residences that loom over it like a pair of protective giants. It has a shop front on the downstairs floor, and fold-out windows on the upper level which imply a conjoined workplace and home. It must be one of these properties that have been abandoned during the war, or its aftermath. Lots of buildings in this area have survived the last Titan attack on civilians to be abandoned. Most of them either lost their occupants on that gruesome day entirely, or their owners were reluctant to go back to the memories the places hold.

The latter seems applicable with this particular house, and the note waveing idly in the wind from a nail on the door seems to confirm it. 'For Sale,' it reads in fading ink letters, followed by brief instructions to contact the next door neighbours on the right for any further information.

Inexplicably intrigued, Levi steps closer to peer through the clouded window front. He can't make out much: an almost empty room, a couple of broken shelves resting halfway to the landing, some unrecognizable baubles scattered on the still intact shelves, and scattered across the dusty floor alike. A battered wooden table stands in the middle of the room. Soot marks on the back wall. Something that looks like a melting oven or fireplace, not quite fit for a smithy, not to mention a smithy wouldn't be inside a house. Several knives and long tubular tools. Shards. Lots of shards. An abandoned glass blowing shop.

Stepping back, Levi inspects the facade of tiny bricks. Despite its neglected state, the house is situated well. It's close enough to the center of the city, yet far enough in its periphery to be not in the middle of the daily racket. It also has a certain spirit to it that seems to draw Levi's eyes in ways few things ever could.

The roof is covered with bright orange tiles that are getting overgrown with a generous amount of moss. Tile fractures beneath the weed press the top down under their weight to give it a wide, characteristic dent. The outwall of the upper floor is crumbly and wine ranked. Veins of cracking spread like branches along one side, and the small, lopsided windows are dull with dust and grime. A brickearth nest, directly under the truss joint, hints at a family of birds having made it their base. On the upper facing window sill, stands a shabby pot of what once must have been kitchen herbs. The area around the window front for the former workshop is thick black paint to accentuate the entrance to potential customers. The upper part of the blackened entrance door is paned as well. A good place if repaired. A shame it stands empty.

It's silly to feel pity for a house; Levi knows this much. It would be absurd wanting to take care of it. Yet Levi wants to make its windows bright and shiny again, the chimney smoking, the interior warm and alive. Considering his leg, the sudden urge borders to foolish. He stares down at his disobliging foot. It's been so many years since that day in the woods, and it stayed fine until the end of the war. Then came peace, and with it the cramps, to eat at his nerves and haul him straight into the "what now" situation Levi finds himself in. He's been tied to the gear for so long he feels naked without it. His hands constantly move on their own to fasten too loose straps that aren't there anymore. Civilian clothes seem to fit wrong without the harness constrictions as well. Levi even misses the irritating bandages on his feet.

A fierce gust of wind whips on his coat and hair, carrying the remainder of winter and frost. Old, rotting foliage whirls up, begging to be cleaned away. Suppressing a scowl, Levi blinks at the colourful bird emerging from its nest with another chirp. A blue coat, yellow belly, and black striped eyes. It chatters merrily from the roof, evoking a smooth voice in Levi's head, telling him this is a nuthatch. He tries to shut the voice out again. Still, it is there now, and, being as persistent as its owner, apparently, the voice won't stop talking.

 _"What do you do now?"_ it asks. _"Retirement might be the chance to do whatever you always wanted to do."_

"I never had the opportunity to think of what I want," Levi said that day. It's been only one week since that banquet at Historia's palace. Being overwhelmed by hours within a crammed, pompous hall filled with too many people, Levi had stepped out onto a remote balcony to get some fresh air. The biting February evening breeze pleasantly cooled his cheeks, and he welcomed its simplicity after all the orotund conversations and fancy filigrane food he had no chance, or will of worshipping, as others deemed appropriate.

Similarly exhausted by the crowds and the delicate luxuries of the day, Eren found him out there. He approached Levi with a too shy smile, carrying a steaming cup of tea. Handing it over, Eren leaned against the balustrade, just far enough out of Levi's reach to ensure they wouldn't accidentally touch.

He looked up at the starry sky, his features forming a mixture of sympathy, scowl, and simple curiosity. Regardless of his vigilant two steps away distance, however, Eren's voice remained kind. "There must be something you'd like to do," he said, fingers fumbling. "Something you used to dream of."

"I'm too old for dreams, Eren."

"Who the hell says that." His eyes were like a pair of furnaces when they met Levi's gaze.

Avoiding having to answer, Levi drank his tea. It was welcoming, even soothing. An Oolong, freshly collected. Brewed to perfection. For a brief moment he wondered who Eren must have had bribed, or charmed to get it.

"You could do anything," Eren pressed on, left hand clenching around the balustrade. "You should. You deserve it."

Refusing to get unbalanced by the memory, Levi scowls and refocuses on the building. The note on the door frame flaps in another gust of wind, like a scout's cloak under the open sky.

 _"There must be something you'd like to do. Something you used to dream of."_ Levi gives the building one more thorough look, and makes a decision.

*~*~*~

"You bought a house."

It isn't really a question. Still, according to Hanji's dazzled expression the next morning, it's like this is the biggest question Levi has ever heard. The spring sun is shining jauntily through the office windows next to her desk, its light giving the stacks of paperwork and files an almost lively touch.

"Yes. I just signed."

Hanji seems shocked. Her mouth has dropped open and her eyes behind her thick, greasy glasses stare at him as if seeing a ghost. "You," she repeats, "bought a house."

"Yes."

"For yourself."

"Yes."

"To live in."

Levi glares at her over the comment.

"Why on earth would you have done that?" Hanji demands. She almost looks hurt.

"A gut feeling," Levi admits.

Her bewilderment is palpable. "You don't make big life decisions like this out of a gut feeling, Levi. You're not spontaneous, like some of us. In a battle, perhaps. But, no offense here, you're too boring and fixated on keeping routines to make this sort of choice on an emotional a whim."

She is right. Of course she is. This must be the first, no, the second, impulsively emotional decision he's ever made during his whole life. Hopefully he won't regret this one too.

Levi clenches his jaw, and locks the wayward thought away.

Hanji sighs. "You know, when I was asking what you were about to do with your life, it wasn't something like this."

"What was it then," he asks.

"Well, I don't know," Hanji says. "But I certainly did not see this coming."

"Neither did I," he agrees.

"Are you having some sort of crisis?" She asks. "Is this becau–"

"What do you think, Four-eyes?" Levi snaps. "I'm old. I've got a stupid foot that won't obey me as it should for whatever reason, and even the military doesn't want me anymore."

"We already agreed on the fact that they're bonkers. But Levi. Are you sure about spending your retirement pay like this?"

"Yes," he confirms.

"Congratulations then."

"I'll be gone by the end of the week."

"No rush." She shakes her head. "I can't believe you truly did this!"

Folding his arms, Levi turns his head towards the window and the blue sky outside.

"I made sure the higher-ups didn't kick you out of your quarters when they insisted on your retiring. You do know they are still yours if you ever need them?" Hanji asks.

"I don't want to impose any longer," he says.

"You're not. And it's not like we don't have any free rooms right now."

Levi huffs. "I am not a fucking war trophy."

Hanji folds her arms too. "You are not. Not to me at least."

"I know. Are you going to keep on complaining, or are you accepting one of the keys? I don't know what the fuck to do with three of them. There's two too many."

"Of course, I am!" She grins. "So. Tell me about this house you've bought. And, most importantly: How can I help to make it homey?"


	2. Cleaning

Levi stands in the middle of the old glass blowing shop and frowns. He really bought a house. He must be mad. Yet he knows he cannot continue living in his old quarters where he feels haunted by the past.

To pack his things only took him about ten minutes. Now his wooden military trunk rests on the battered work table, beside a second box containing his cleaning supplies. The abandoned life of this place makes every breath taste stale. Time to get to work. Dragging in the dusty air, Levi binds one clean cloth around the top of his head and another one around his nose and mouth. That being done, he rolls up his sleeves.

He starts by driving out the gloom. The shop front stretching over the entire wall of the big room is directed westwards. Cleaning the windows is a must if Levi is to see exactly how much cleaning he needs to do downstairs. The dim morning light isn't quite enough to fight against the lingering shadows of darkness. Most of the light available creeps in from the back room, on the left side of the entrance. It is completely shaded, its double set of closed fold-in windows matching the ones of the flat on the upper level.

The wooden storm shutters creak on rusty hinges as Levi pushes them open, the partly rotten wood threatening splinters as they give beneath his fingertips. Levi already assumed he had to replace them. The brittle window frame seems to carry first traces of rust in its metal components. Nothing that a bit of sanding and new varnish can't fix.

The first bees of the season are buzzing, searching a nearby flowerbed for nectar. The sun is shining vividly in the clear March sky, a single cloud adds a smudge of white on blue.

The rays of fresh light casting into the room make long forgotten dust particles glimmer in the shine. A closer examination of the room suggests the back room must have been a storage and washroom. There's a sink and lots of shelves which both need to be replaced too. The walls are in good shape. The stone floor is dirty after years of disuse, but dry. No mould as far as Levi can tell. Good.

After giving the downstairs floor a thorough sweep to cast out the worst dust and, most of all, to get rid of all the hazardous glass shards, Levi tackles the windows. Once additional light gets into the rooms, he double checks that the glass shards are indeed gone. Satisfied Levi takes a bucket, rags, and a broom up the staircase to begin with the actual work from the top. The stale air up there is somehow even worse than downstairs. It isn't mildewy at least, and Levi opens the second-floor windows to the sunny spring day as well, sneezing as a gust of dust makes it to his nose, despite the mask.

An amused chuckle rings in Levi's head, and he tries to fight it off. The amusement lingers nonetheless, supported by the ghost of twinkling green eyes.

"Shut up," Levi mutters into the silence, gripping tighter to his broom. To escape the memories, he throws himself into the shielding comfort of his endless war with dirt.

As he frees the ceiling from cobwebs with a resolute scowl, he welcomes the calming effect of muscle memory kicking in. The familiar movements and sounds fill the eerily strange silence of an otherwise unoccupied place. With determination, Levi rinses away the last past hours, days, and weeks of chaos and change.

The ghost's voice and the eyes follow him, observing him, but retreat as he remains busy. When focussed enough, Eren's reminder can't reach him to the fullest. So Levi keeps on cleaning, sweeping, scrubbing, wiping, polishing, breathing, in and out. In and out, until everything in the past is distant. The only things that remain are his own movements and the sun shining through sparkling clean, opened windows.

As the vendor has promised, the flat is already, or rather still, somewhat furnished. There's an old nightstand and a dresser in the bedroom, no bed. The kitchen supplies a small stove, one big and one smaller cupboard, a narrow shelf, and a table with chairs for three people. The bathroom even has a tub and it's more than enough. Levi doesn't have much to begin with, apart from the armchair Hanji has gifted him for his retirement. Everything else he owns is completely portable and already downstairs in his military trunk. In the end, this place might even be too spacious for a single person. How unhelpful this thought may be.

By nightfall the whole flat is sparkling clean, whereas Levi is sticky with sweat and dirty all over. His fingers are pruned from the constant exposure to hot soap water. His muscles are heated up from all the scrubbing, his knees protest heavily after all that kneeling in front of the hearth and polishing the floor. Even his shirt and his arms are blackened with soot and ash, and yet, it's a good feeling. All in all, Levi is actually feeling more collected and organized than he's felt since his last battle. The whole upper floor has begun to look like a place he'd not only call base but home. At least eventually.

Suspecting a cup of tea might help with that homey feeling, alongside a thorough soaking, Levi fetches the trunk with his belongings from the deserted workshop downstairs. The tea caddies are the first items he unpacks: The Oolong in the oldest can he has, blackened tin with a dent on one side, and faded lettering on its front. The Assam in a similar, yet new and undented one, because, as far as tea goes, Assam is Hanji's favourite. A small shiny cylinder containing Earl Grey these days. Another old rectangular tin can with the Gunpowder tea. Jasmine tea in narrow wooden cylinder. Sencha and white tea. Darjeeling and herbal infusion. They all get neatly arranged on a small, wooden shelf in his kitchen. With that being done, Levi tends to the dishware, unwrapping a set of three cups, plates, and bowls from old newsprint to store them in the cupboard. The chessboard gets hidden behind the china for now; there's no one left to play with him these days.

While the faucet of the tub spits out rusty sludge before filling the bath with beautifully promising clear, steaming water, Levi tends to his toiletries, laying them out on the window sill next to the sink. His few clothes get a good shake before he neatly refolds them and puts them into the freshly cleaned dresser in the bedroom, aside from one fresh set to change into later. A tiny sack of lavender follows the clothes into the dresser, as does his shiny medal. Soon everything that is left is one final item, a little treasure on the bottom of the box.

With a piercing twist somewhere behind his ribs, Levi reaches for it, carefully frees it from what once was his cravat, and turns it around to look at it. The small, framed coal drawing shows a cloaked figure spinning in the woods, hair wild, eyes big, shoulders broad, posture perfect.

Jean, Levi thinks mildly, has always known. It wasn't really needed, this drawing quietly waiting at his quarter's doorstep the morning the Exploration Team left, for Levi to be aware of this. He didn't really need the attached note, reading 'we'll bring him back to you,' either. It's always been there in Jean's glances whenever he'd seen Eren and Levi together. He'd always made sure to leave a free chair for either of them at the other's side during their communal meals too. Just like Mikasa and Armin. Or Hanji whenever she'd come out of her den.

No one is here to see it, so Levi lets out a small, unsteady smile, and runs his thumb over the frame before he decisively places the picture onto the nightstand, despite his better judgement.

"Laugh again," he orders softly, hoping wherever Eren is, he is well.

Forbidding himself any lamenting, Levi leaves the bedroom to fill the blaring lack of an answer with a hot, soapy bath, followed by a cup of strong tea. Gunpowder, he thinks as he steps into the shockingly scalding water with an approving hiss. Gunpowder would be good.

Even with the pleasant comfort slowly relaxing his muscles, it doesn't take long for the stillness to press in on him. The echoing drip-drip-drip of the faucet and his own, splashing movements are the only sounds in the room. The single lamp he's brought with him casts too many shadows, and with every second of repose the distance grows and grows. Shutting his eyes with a slowly quickening breath Levi wills everything away, but it is useless.

Memories flood his mind, full of smiles and friendship and closeness. Then comes the mist, loss, and hope again, followed by an embrace so warm. The feeling of kind yet unexpectedly greedy hands pulling him near, tearing at his clothes, coupled with kisses, wet and deep and ravenous. There are sighs against his ear and moans and whimpers and all kinds of little noises Levi had never thought Eren capable of making. Once again Levi can practically feel smooth skin under his hands, arching into his touch and a deliciously speeding pulse when he sucks on Eren's neck. Trust, heat, security, and nails biting eagerly into his back with a litany of "yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!" The sensation of release and falling into stunned, green eyes that look at Levi as if he were the only one who ever mattered. Contentment shared through more kisses, only a few, combined with a strong heartbeat against his chest, and gentle fingers drawing little circles on the small of his back. Levi recalls his wish to pull the blanket over the both of them and simply to go to sleep, sweaty and sticky as they are.

Maybe it would have changed everything if his cleanliness had not driven him from bed. Maybe it would have made everything worse if had Eren woken up with their limbs still entangled. Instead, Levi reluctantly parted from long, warm arms and legs, careful to not interrupt Eren's doze after the day he'd had, and went into the shower. Under the muffling spray it took him a moment to perceive the sharp sound of his door clicking into its lock, and by the time he'd hurried back into his bedroom, naked, wet, cold, and unsettled, all that was left from Eren was his scent everywhere, and a stray sock in the midst of Levi's wildly scattered clothes. The bed was empty. The feeling of loss all-consuming. Even recalling that night has Levi's heart speed up in utter helplessness.

Ever since their night together nothing has been the same. Years of forming a close bond got replaced by months trapped in stoic distance and evading glances. Now there'll be the ever-lasting image of a tall, green-cloaked figure disappearing at the horizon without any explanations. Levi's heart is gone.

This is the third time, Levi thinks whilst reaching for the brush to scrub his skin until it's red, yet just as raw as it was before.

It's forty-one hours since Eren has left. Levi feels every aching second of it.

*~*~*~

The next day passes for Levi by doing more distractive cleaning.

After leaving his old quarters where he's spent the night, Levi reenters his house and begins with the purge of the downstairs floor. It will need renovating; lots of renovating, but he needs everything tidy and proper first. The old baubles Levi had seen through the window several days ago are all damaged so he throws everything that remained away. The tools and utensils that appear to be in a good shape, he collects into a box for selling. Someone might need them, and be grateful for a second hand price. Even the kiln looks to be operational as Levi removes it from its nook to place it with the rest of the glass blowing equipment.

With all the rubbish gone, and the space being empty of everything small and portable, Levi continues his war with cobwebs, dust and soot. The paned shopfront can't be opened to release stale air, so Levi opens the entrance door as he works.

It's another too beautiful spring day, with the sun shining cheerfully through the sparkling windows. Memories continue ridiculing his efforts to keep his mind occupied. Gritting his teeth, Levi reminds himself he's left with no other option than to stubbornly move on.

Steeling his resolve, Levi scrubs and wipes, concentrating on the well-practised movements. He focusses on the fading dirt marks under his hands, while getting himself accustomed with the new set of four walls around him. Ten steps long, fifteen steps wide, the ceiling not too narrow. The family of nuthatches chirping every now and then. Voices on the street outside that he recognises faintly from the day before; five male, seven female, a couple of children laughing. Neighbours, he assumes, and files each of their voices away.

The reblazing of the glass front demands the biggest part of his attention, needing two thorough washings under the afternoon sun before Levi is satisfied with the final result. The door gets special attention in form of greasing its hinges and an assiduous examination of the lock. Levi does the same to the two doors to his flat, one at each end of the staircase.

When Hanji visits in the evening, the old workshop is prim, even by Levi's perception. She isn't alone. A soldier is helping her deliver the monster of a sheet-protected armchair from HQ. He nods with one last curious glance at the workshop in Levi's back as Hanji shoos him away to unload Levi's chair.

Levi dismisses the curious man with a thankful nod of his own and turns to Hanji. "What do you want, shitty glasses?"

"What does it look like? I'm visiting. This is it, huh?" She asks as the carriage with the soldier chatters into the moonlit night. "It fits you. It's big."

Levi snorts, rolls up his sleeves, and mucks in with the heavy load. "One flight up."

"Splendid."

They're lucky the armchair even fits through the doors. After manoeuvring the load up the narrow staircase, they stand in the hallway of Levi's flat, the big piece of furniture between them.

"Well then," Hanji declares blithely, setting the chair down in unison with Levi. "Let me look at this place first, so we can decide where to put it."

As she swirls through every room before she leaves shortly to thoroughly inspect the ground floor as well, Levi can't help a disapproving frown at the zing of pain shooting up his leg. To heave the chair upstairs after stressing his foot two days in a row has made it cramp up again. Despite Levi being certain he didn't let anything on, it's clear Hanji has noticed nonetheless.

Stoically masking his expression and ordering his foot to cooperate, he shuffles towards the kitchen to brew them a fresh batch of tea. All three infusions of this afternoon's Gunpowder are long gone. Hanji doesn't like it much anyway, so Assam it is.

He's just about to fish the sieve with the infused leaves out of the tea pot as she appears back upstairs.

"Ah, Levi, this place is perfect for you." She beams, whirling into the living room and plopping down on one of the creaking kitchen chairs.

Levi closes the tea pot and joins her at the table, filling first her cup, then his. "It is too spacious," he insists.

Hanji gives a responsive snort. "The room downstairs, perhaps, but up here it's great. Thanks." She takes her cup and takes a generous gulp that Levi deliberately ignores as he takes his own, small and savouring sip.

"It's perfect for two," she adds, grinning.

"And who would that be, shitty glasses. See anyone here except you?"

Green eyes seem to stare back at him, making him clench his jaw and intensify his glare.

She rolls her eyes. "You even got a picture of him in your bedroom, Levi."

"Well, he's not here anymore, is he? He's gone."

"He'll come back."

"Why, because they always do?" His skin burns and itches. Even with only Hanji to watch, he won't show any weakness and scratch. Instead he huffs. "Right. If that's all you want to talk about, fuck off and spare me this shit."

Taking a sip of his tea so he can swallow down the lump in his throat, Levi is grateful this seems to shut her up for now. She knows him well enough to remain seated right where she is.

"I like the view," she offers after a moment of tea cup rattling and fire crackling quietness. "You can even see my quarters from here. Seems like I forgot to turn off the oil lamp."

Following her glance at the night lit town with his own eyes, he allows himself a small snort. "Someone has to keep an eye on you."

The look she shoots him is equal parts derisive, whimsical, and delighted. "Okay. Where do you want the chair?"

"I don't care. The bedroom."

"No. As nice as that drawing is, we need to find you a proper bed for once in your life. As you mentioned: You're getting old," Hanji retorts with a grin.

"I've been sleeping at my desk for this long, I don't need a fucking bed."

"Oh, Hogwash! You need a second armchair for my visits too. I won't let you sit on one of these old kitchen chair things while you force me into my own present."

Levi blinks, but it's clear Hanji will win this discussion so he lets it pass. For what it's worth he's glad she's still here with him. He knows she longed to leave with the Exploration Team herself. He still isn't fully convinced she remained at HQ because of organizational reasons. She only has one long-term friend left as well and they've been through worse situations than simply staying behind. The least he can do to thank her for her company is to let her help when she offers it.

"At the hearth then," he relents.

"I'd like that." She hops up from the chair to shove the monster into its rightful spot.

Before she can decide to push it over the freshly polished floor, Levi gives up on his seat at the table to assist her in carrying the damn piece. If it wasn't a gift from Hanji, he'd have gotten rid of the pompous thing right away. If he is honest with himself, he has to concede it is indeed wonderfully comfortable. Sinking into its soft leather cushions that instantly mould to his shape reminds him of protection. It always raises the question of whether this is how it must feel like to be embraced from behind.

"I think here is good," Hanji's voice jerks Levi out of his thoughts. A moment later they lower the chair in a way that it faces towards the kitchen table. She plops down in it to glance at the room and nods contentedly. "Yes, perfect."

"Have you even showered this week?" Levi asks, cringing inwardly at the thought of getting her hair grease all over himself.

As expected, she ignores the question. "You need a coffee table too."

"Out of my chair. And what is this anyway? I don't need babysitting."

Staying put where she is, she grins. "It's called care, Levi. And sure, you do. Seize it."

"Tch."

"Glad we agree. So. Enough with this secretiveness, because I must know. What are your plans for downstairs?" She blinks innocently. "Broom shop? Wait!" Her eyes get big. "Please tell me, you don't plan to open a bath house, because your idea of cleaning people is just gross!"

Levi smirks. He takes his time to answer, letting her simmer for a few passing seconds before giving in.

_"There must be something you'd like to do. Something you used to dream of."_

Positively excited for the first time in too long, Levi takes a breath. "I'll open a tea shop."

*~*~*~

Hanji's enthusiasm is contagious. Upon his revelation, she gapes at him as a broad smile begins to split her face. Her eyes lighten up, and her arms fly in the air as the first flood of question bursts out. They talk long into the night. Since neither of them budges to sit in the leather chair, they stubbornly stay put at the rattly kitchen table as they discuss options for wooden floors, product range, and decorations. Soon the tiny table is covered with notes, rough sketches from the both of them, and lists with ideas.

"You should sell coffee too," she enthuses during her third cup of tea.

"No."

"But,"

"No," he insists before she can start one of her lectures. "No coffee."

The pout she gives him nearly makes him roll his eyes. "Ah, Levi, you're so boring."

"Says the crazy person in my life."

She laughs. "You've got lots of space down there, though. Do you really think you could fill the whole room with tea cans? Seems a bit much, if you ask me."

"I could sell supplies too."

"You mean like cups and pots? Yeah, sounds good." She frowns ponderously and suddenly lights up. "Oh! You could also have a small corner with tables or a counter. For tastings, you know? So people know what they're buying?"

Considering the suggestion to be a good one, Levi writes it down.

With all their brainstorming, it is long past midnight when Hanji leaves. And after locking both the outside door of the soon-to-be tea shop, then the door to his flat, Levi sinks into the soft leather of his "old man chair" in front of the still glowing fireplace, reaching for his old knife in his pocket.

He knows, he won't get much rest that night. The silence is too unfamiliar. Being used to new rooms to sleep in is not the issue. His new home is simply so quiet it feels far too loud. No tromping soldier feet accompanied by murmurs and snores filtering through the walls. It also smells too strange and homey. It lacks the scents of weapon oil and gear, plus fellow soldiers and horses. No amount of exhaustion will change that. Nor will the fact it should feel safe to have all this space for himself, yet does not. Living alone is something so wholly new to Levi that his instincts won't trust it.

So he keeps the reassuring weight of the closed knife in his right hand. Wrapping a worn, patched blanket around his legs, Levi settles into his first, long night at his new home.


	3. Renovating

The next couple of months rush by in a frenzy of work. With nothing but time on his hands, Levi focuses on renovating. Quickly slipping into some sort of routine, he begins his days with a celebratory cup of tea, during which he ponders which task is up for that particular day. Going on errands as difficult as finding a buyer for the kiln as well as the glass blower tools, through finding carpenters, and tea suppliers. Anything Levi can to get Eren out of his thoughts. Painting is the newest chore on the list to get completed, and Hanji is eager to help.

"This place will be so amazing when it's done," she says one Sunday noon.

Levi thinks so himself, though it's a bit hard to believe her while the whole future tea shop area is bare, and cold with humidity. Washing off the old distemper from the walls and ceiling is an important affair to paint the room anew. Without it, the fresh paint will crack and peel off, yet that doesn't stop the preparational work from being a mess. It means having to scrub and wipe every bit of wall and ceiling while the old paint trickles onto the cement in whitened water rivulets.

"You keep on saying that," he says from the top of a former workbench, a dripping mop in his hands. He can't help a disapproving frown at his words. Every sound echoes in the empty room, making their voices sound strangely distorted. If it wasn't for the view at the sky on the other side of the windows, or the fresh air streaming through the opened door, the reverberations would remind Levi a bit too much of his years under ground.

"Only because it's true," Hanji replies, working on one of the walls. "I can't wait to see it when it's done."

"Mm." Levi first dunks his mop in one of the two buckets next to him, then gives it a dip in the clearer water and stretches to tackle the next area of ceiling. The plaster has soaked up lots of water and breathes its chalky dampness into the air. The humidity is omnipresent and heavy, and has Levi sweating right after beginning with the work. He doesn't mind. Despite this whole procedure being such a dripping mess, it is absolutely amazing. It's good work. Necessary and muscle straining. It helps him stay calm.

"How are you keeping up?" Hanji asks.

"How are you?" he asks back.

She wipes some paint off her glasses with her sleeve. The action probably smudges the glass even more, but it doesn't seem to bother her at all. "Don't give me that. But thanks for asking. How's life?"

Levi gives his mop a small shake to drip off excess water. "Still there."

"How's living upstairs?" she clarifies. "Getting some sleep?"

Levi's mop hits the ceiling with a wet smack. "Sometimes."

Turning around to eye him, Hanji heaves a sigh. Her shirt is splattered with paint-tinted water, and yet the wall next to her remains mostly white. "What about last night?"

"Could have been worse," he answers flatly.

"When are you going to get yourself a real bed, Levi?" she asks, scratching her head.

"I don't need a bed."

Her eye roll is almost audible. "Yes, you do."

"How would you know?" he snaps. They've already had this discussion a couple of times this week alone, yet she keeps stirring it up. "Would you focus back on the wall?"

Dunk-splash-smack, goes his mop.

She sticks to her guns. "You'd sleep much better in one."

"No," he insists.

"Yes. And since I've got one, like normal people, I know better than you."

Levi shrugs, concentrating on a greying spot on the ceiling. "I never needed the one I had at HQ. Why the fuck should I get one now?"

"There's your reason," she says, beaming and eyes bright.

"What?" he demands.

"Do I have to say it out loud? Sex is much better on a soft surface. Well," she adds in a relenting tone. "For most people anyways."

He turns away from her. Dunk-splash-smack! "Good for you that you have a bed then. Leave me alone and go fetch yourself a Titan."

He knows instantly these words were the wrongs ones, as always. He had not wanted to say them. All he wanted was to shut her up so he can clean his ceiling, and then the walls, so he can start painting them afresh to get rid of that cave feeling.

Still, the words are out now, and his guards shoot up, telling him to beware and to not react at all to whatever comes next. Because it will come. Hanji is Hanji after all, and she's already begun to cackle.

"Yeah," she snorts promptly. "Tell me how that works."

Levi shrugs and shoots back in the same offish voice as before: "You wish, don't you."

"How was it?" Hanji jabs, leering.

Silently cursing himself, he concentrates on scrubbing the ceiling. Why does he always have to talk? Why can't he just shut the fuck up for once in his life? He grits his teeth.

"Was he loud?" Hanji steps closer with obvious interest. "Was it good?"

Dunk-splash-smack!

"Levi." She stands directly next to him now. "You must tell me, I have to know. Is it hotter than normal? Does it feel different? Does it steam afterwards? You know down there?"

Unbidden, the unwanted memories return at her words, spurring images of Eren hurrying back to his own quarters after he left Levi's bed, leaving behind a trail of steam. Sickened by the implication, Levi grips tighter to his mop until his knuckles turn white. Bile rises in his stomach, filling his mouth with saliva. He swallows it down.

Despite the disturbing thought and new inner turmoil, he smells triumph concerning his current situation. He stares down at his friend, who looks like she's on the verge to bursting with curiosity. Her eyes appear bigger than her glasses, her cheeks are glowing. One hand clutches a mop's handle to her chest, the other one reaches towards Levi. It's clear, she misses the Titan experiments she ran during the war, and it's the perfect chance for Levi to turn the tables to his own favour.

"Why?" he deflects cooly. "Does it normally steam when they take a shit?"

For a moment there is no reply, and then Hanji explodes. "Damn, what a good question! I never asked. Why did I never ask, why didn't I even think of that? I should write it down. Levi! Where is your notebook?"

"Storage room," he grunts, feeling relief flood his chest as she takes the bait.

She rushes off immediately, letting the mop fall right where she stood. New ideas won't keep her distracted for too long until she starts poking again, Levi knows that. The peace will probably not last more than a few minutes, but at least she will be occupied for a little while. More than enough for Levi to rebuild his defences.

Listening to her scribbling down notes in the back room, he lowers his mop and frowns at the window front without seeing the sunlit street, swallowing once more. Steam would have meant he'd hurt Eren without knowing, or wanting to do so. Is that why Eren fled once Levi was in the shower? Was he seriously hurt?

Levi recalls that night again. Eren's strong body against his own, and greedy hands. Heat and stormy, needy kisses. Pleas filled with his name. Eren's fingers drawing warm, soothing lines on Levi's lower back.

Frightened, big eyes trying their best to evade his own the next morning.

How could Levi have come from never needing anybody since his early teenage years, to needing Eren like he needed air? Every time he closes his eyes, Eren is with him again, haunting him day and night. All Levi can see is green. Sparkling and shadowed, gleaming and excited, furious and kind. Stunned and lain bare. Eren's eyes are everywhere, and it's too much.

Levi pinches the bridge of his nose until spots dance behind his eyelids, and takes a deep breath. Nearby a nuthatch sings and flutters away.

Take me with you, Levi thinks to the unseen bird.

By the time Hanji emerges from the Titan zone, Levi is back to attacking the old paint.

*~*~*~

A few weeks later, Levi buys resurfacer and black outdoor paint. After borrowing a set of gear from the Survey Corps weaponry, he spends a good part of his week with mending his house's facade, and refreshening the shopfront. He finishes the repairs as the first early heat wave starts burning down on the community. Fleeing the merciless sun, he goes inside to continue his renovations there. He has shelves to mount. A staff department to set up. A tiny restroom to restore. A floor to even out and panel because a bleak stone floor won't do for a tea shop.

Levi never had to do any of these things. Yet it's oddly comforting to learn every single step. Witnessing how this place takes more and more shape with every day fills him with an odd feeling of satisfaction. It's an interesting experience to create, for once, instead of destroy. Of course destruction is inevitable, yet even that will end in something new. It's almost cathartic too. Thus Levi tears down old cupboards, and dismantles the plumbing in the former storage room. He smashes the old tiles in the tiny customer bathroom, and sledges down a dividing wall he has no use for in his shop.

With the summer heat seeping through the thick stone walls, Levi sweats like a madman, even inside the sheltering shadows. He trudges up the stairs to his flat each night, feeling like someone plunged him into a steam room. Especially the afternoon sun blazing through the windows is doing its own part in making him sticky. Levi seeks the exhaustion wilfully though, eager to make sleep take him out the moment he'd sit down on a soft surface. It's not completely working. Eren still won't vacate his mind. His presence lingers everywhere.

He's there when Levi wakes up with an inevitable short flash of wondering where the Exploration Team is now. Eren's touch is ghosting through Levi's mind with every shift in his leather chair. His radiating warmth is missed whenever Levi shivers, fighting the cold that seems to seep through the thin blanket, even long after blackberry winter has passed.

He's there whenever Levi showers, has always been there since that night, making Levi hurry to get clean, to shorten each shower as much as he can. He's there whenever Levi makes his tea. The colour and the taste of the Gunpowder reminding him of Eren's eyes, and the unused china in his cupboard confirming he's got no one to share it with anymore. Even Levi's neglected chessboard seems to judge him whenever he spots it, chiding him for what he ruined.

Eren is also there when Levi tries new tea for his shop, nodding quietly at Levi's opinion, and laughing softly when Levi thinks it's awful. He's there when Levi cleans; he always took care of the cobwebs and bugs without any comment on either side. Eren easily went up onto his tiptoes with a duster so Levi wouldn't have to fetch a chair. On one occasion he even went so far as to lift Levi up onto his shoulders for an abnormally high ceiling.

His presence permeates the silence, and it is too loud. Too empty. Silence with Eren has always been good, harmonious even. They used to talk so much through little gestures, looks, and with body language. By the end Levi could almost smell it in the air what Eren was thinking, could feel his general mood. Words were completely unnecessary up to a certain point. It also made what was said far more important. Every word, and the tone of Eren's voice forging a connection to something stronger. Perhaps that's why memories of Eren's presence keep on coming back, persistently sneaking into Levi's daily routine.

First it's only little sounds: a deep contented hum during tea time, a kind laugh at something crazy Hanji says or does. Gentle whispers of Levi's name into his ear out of the blue that nothing, not even physical work, can stop. The words keep on coming. Soon they evolve into whole sentences in Eren's voice, forming a familiar routine from when he would comment on Levi's days before everything went awry.

Maybe it's his age that makes Levi respond to them after a while, that makes these moments turn into whole unspoken dialogues.

 _"Why 'Sparrow'?"_ Eren's voice asks one day.

Because 'Teashop' sounds meaningless after everything I've put into this place, Levi answers mutely. Because of how I met Isabel. Because of where I come from. Because sometimes at night, I want to fly away; to follow you wherever you are now. Because if I was a bird, I surely wouldn't be anything grander.

Because I know we must let go of what we love, Levi concludes with an ache in his chest.

*~*~*~

With the actual renovation part of the downstairs floor coming to a foreseeable end as May comes to a close, the detail work begins. Not having too much faith in his own artistic skills, Levi hires a scribe to work out the details of his tea shop's name. Meanwhile he starts to narrow down his decisions on product lines, displays, and general aesthetic choices.

He supposes he shouldn't be surprised when he soon finds himself in yet another argument with Hanji, this time about selections. They debate for a whole Friday evening until Hanji falls asleep, mid-debate. So it's only natural she continues with it on Saturday morning. Sitting at Levi's kitchen table, she fidgets with a piece of buttery, crunchy toast, gabbling on like the birds outside.

It's when her voice assumes a dangerous intensity, that Levi intervenes. He's had enough. "Let's settle this once and for all, shitty glasses. I will not sell any fucking coffee."

"Why are you so against it?" Hanji asks for the umpteenth time. "It tastes good, it wakes you up, and it soothes my nerves. Plus the scent is nice."

Levi indeed likes its scent, but he certainly won't admit to that out loud. Not with Hanji breathing down his neck, staring at him with an enthusiasm that reminds him of her former Titan lectures. Instead he sighs, preparing himself to explain, yet again. "It's vile. It's bitter tasting,"

"Tea is bitter too," she interrupts him through a bite of bread, spraying crumbs everywhere.

"Only because you buy the shittiest stuff out there and brew it wrong," he retorts. "How many times have I told you to not let the leaves sit in the water for an hour. It's like you're setting out to murder it. Tea needs attention."

"Oh, bullocks! Yours tastes just as boring." Hanji pulls a face to make her point.

Despite his efforts, Levi's indignation gets the better of him. "How dare you."

Completely unaffected by his outburst, Hanji shrugs and continues indulging in her piece of roasted breakfast toast. "Trust me. Coffee is a wonderful idea. You will get more customers with it."

"This is my place. I'll do with it whatever I want. And please," he growls as he notices the mess near his foot, "will you desist from littering my floor with bread crumbs?"

"Fine!" Hanji shoots back. "Ruin yourself! I'll sit by and watch, all right? Drinking coffee! Like the rest of us, who aren't a total nutcase."

"That's rich coming from you," Levi mutters.

Looking utterly pleased with herself, she grins. "I know. It should give you something to think about."

Levi scowls. As much as he'd like to say otherwise, Hanji has got a point. He knows several soldiers who don't like tea, and prefer coffee over everything else. Yet therein lies the point. If he starts selling coffee, he'd come to be known as "that coffee guy". Which would be awful. Additionally, he can already see the coffee bags slowly but surely pushing aside his carefully selected tea cans, until in the end, they would be all that's left from his initial idea.

Trying to only consecrate the tabletop, Hanji crunches on her last bite of toast.

"Add coffee, and it wouldn't be a tea shop anymore," Levi admits eventually. "I will not run a coffee shop."

"Tea shop, coffee shop, who cares? You want to know something? I had an idea tonight." She speaks around licking her fingers free of crumbs. "Why not make this place into a café instead? You could sell cake too. And cookies. Heaven knows, it would satisfy your compulsive, and highest ranked classified need of bringing joy to this world."

"Oh, fuck off," he grumbles. The need is not compulsive. Okay, maybe it is. Sometimes. Most of the times. Always, admittedly, and oh, fuck it, it's not even the issue here.

Being finished with her toast, Hanji now pitches into her tea. "Seriously, Levi. Even with the tasting corner bar top, the place downstairs is too big for a small shop like you plan to have. You still could sell tea, no one says otherwise. But you also could provide a retreat and feed people. You're much more a caretaker than a businessman anyway, and you know that yourself. You've got more experience with taking care of people than most too."

"Tch." The idea is ridiculous, so utterly ridiculous. A café never was his dream, and it's something so entirely different.

Then again, dreams can be deceitful that way and wrong. Mostly the unplanned things, the surprises in life, are the best. Levi certainly never gave the idea of letting someone into his heart another thought before it happened, and while Eren had been there, it was the best time of Levi's life. War or not.

His thoughts drift further away in that direction, and his heart skips a beat. A café.

Suddenly he is whisked back to a cold and dark winter's day when they were spending their time in one of the Wall Districts in preparation for an excursion outside the walls. Eren dragged him into the freezing night to lead him to a coffee place a few roads down from their base.

"Rumour has it, it's the best place in this area," he said, his voice bubbling with an excitement Levi hadn't been able to resist.

They drank tea that night, exceptionally good tea Levi has to admit. Eren's eyes lightened up as he chewed on a piece of shared cinnamon roll with cardamom that tasted just as heavenly. The mere memory is so strong Levi can recapitulate the taste and the scent of comfort and complete satisfaction. The place had been cosy too. Could he really make his own version of that place back then?

Once the thought takes root, there's no way in stopping it from expanding and taking shape within his imagination. The shelves he's installed could still hold tea cans, china, and further supplies. He could keep the name of the shop as well, only make some minor adjustments before the scribe paints it onto the window front. He even could go from having no food whatsoever for days, a legacy of his past, to actually offering it, selling it.

Looking at the town on the other side of his kitchen window, Levi tries to remember everything from that day. One and a half years have passed since then, and even with the bright sky outside, it feels as if it all happened yesterday.

Wooden floor, almost like the one he's already installed downstairs. The scent of oily wood polish, fresh coffee, and grassy tea paired with the sugary scent of baked goods. Simple, plain china. Small tables, scattered over a big room. Copper counter. Paintings on the walls. Private nooks with a pair of armchairs to huddle within for extra privacy and comfort.

Life was still good that day, so very good. Eren was there, smiling and laughing, and asking Levi something about their next mission. It wasn't but a month before Levi lost everything meaningful to him on one single, mist-covered day.

 _"What do you do now?"_ Eren asks again, looking pale, sounding tired whilst standing on Historia's balcony, feeling much too far away.

The nuthatch flutters onto the windowsill and chirps, bringing Levi back to the here and now.

"You know how to make coffee, four-eyes?" he asks. His voice is slightly scratchy and distant, but fortunately Hanji either doesn't notice, or lets it pass.

"Of course, I do," she responds with a snickering undertone. "Who doesn't?"

"Can you tell a good coffee from a bad one?" he challenges, determinedly not looking at her to conceal how much he needs her help.

She shrugs. "I think so." Her eyes squint at him for a second and then widen in shock. Levi suspects they'll pop out of their sockets any moment now. "I convinced you, didn't I?"

Keeping his voice calm, he lifts his tea cup. "Maybe."

"Yes!" Hanji fist-bumps the air with such boisterous joy Levi can't help but let it affect him a little bit. Despite his intention to stay expressionless, a small smile fights its way out and once it's there, it remains stuck.

"Well, this is a first," she cheers, visibly holding herself back from smashing her hands onto the table in joy. "It calls for a celebration!"

"Later," Levi insists, standing up, and collecting their empty plates. "Let's search for some decent beans first."

"Wonderful!" Gulping down her share of Levi's definitely neither boring, nor bitter tea, Hanji jumps to her feet, aiming for the door. "You will not regret this, Levi. I know it."

We'll see about that, he thinks, swiftly hurrying after her to escape the ghosts of his memories. Now that she has left her place at his dinner table, they keep on pressing back into the kitchen like thunderclouds condensing over a blue sky. Suppressing a snort over Hanji's excitement, Levi decides he can tend to the dirty dishes later.


	4. The Sparrow

With the prospect of having to decorate more thoroughly than initially planned, Levi buries himself in planning the perfect interior for his café. Expensive as the conversion will be, Levi is glad he never spent his military pay lightly throughout the years. Outside of his tea habit, he rarely bought anything that was not absolutely needed, and can afford the additional changes to the downstairs area without having to borrow.

It quickly turns out entering a place, and feeling its cosiness is well and good. Having a place and doing one's best to make it cosy, however, is something else entirely. Now Levi has to think about furnishings, not to mention comfortable ones. He's used to being provided with necessity class furnishings for years. Beyond that, he must admit, he's rather helpless in figuring out what's comfortable.

It's Hanji who helps again, accompanying him to cafés in nearby towns for research purposes, discussing why a place feels good or not, and debating even more ideas. She also helps him with outlining their decisions in rough sketches, telling Levi, quite unnecessarily, the carpenters and upholsterers might understand his plans using her drawings over his "hideous scrawls." The kick against her shin for insulting his artwork gains him a snicker and a revengeful kick in return.

The renovations have shrunk Levi's savings down immensely, but he doesn't let it stop him from browsing for the best furniture materials he can get at a reasonable price. He's never been one to half-arse his way through a situation, and with the Sparrow being his only self-appointed project, not to mention his future means of income, it must be done properly.

Furthermore encouraged by Eren's voice in his head, that keeps reappearing in the most mistimed moments, Levi throws himself so deeply into selections of fabric samples and wood varieties, they mingle with his usual dreams. It doesn't help to shut Eren out. He still is in everything Levi does.

 _"You know you want this brass counter,"_ Eren's smooth voice says over a lonely cup of Gunpowder one drowsy morning. _"It looks like the sun, doesn't it?"_

It's too luxurious, Levi thinks back, but yes, he does want it.

The ghost rolls his eyes with a soft smile. _"So what. You like it. Get it."_

So brass counter it is.

One week later the voice returns as Levi goes over his final choice of fabric options at the upholsterer. He already knows he wants corduroy for the armchairs and is about to order the stunningly dark red one as his eyes catch a piece of green-blue so intense-stunning-perfect it could crash down Levi's world. His hand reaches out for it before he can stop himself, his fingertips brushing carefully over the soft, nearly iridescent surface.

The silky stubbles on Eren's neck felt exactly like it.

This one, he thinks, all of the sudden missing Eren so much it's painful. The air is too thin, his skin too tight, and he has to blink.

 _"Are you sure?"_ Eren asks mildly. _"You won't be able to stop thinking of me when you see it every day. You know?"_

I already can't stop, Levi replies in his head as something inside him tears at the mere inevitability of it all.

A sigh. _"Exactly."_

Swallowing down his emotions, Levi forces his hand away from the enticing, colourful sample and chooses the red one. It fits better into the café anyway. Besides, Hanji will like the colour for her own armchair too. She's always liked red. It doesn't matter this particular colour is expensive as fuck. She deserves it for putting up with his shit for so many years, and then some. She has stood beside him since he first bought the house, and has contributed too much for Levi to deny she deserves every bit of comfort he can provide.

As things should turn out, the upholsterer makes Levi a special offer, nodding at a drawing of a family of four with himself, a smiling woman, a little girl, and a taller girl wearing a military uniform. "Thanks to you," he says, eyes serious and voice warm with pride. "She's still alive. About to marry, actually. He's a fine kid. Honest eyes."

Telling the man Levi has never seen this soldier, and certainly isn't to be credited for her survival, doesn't change anything. The upholsterer smiles, noting he knows about the Special Operation Squad and all they did to win the war.

"Please," he continues with a stern voice. "I insist."

Levi relents but tells him to come to the café once it's open to have cake and tea on the house. The invitation is accepted with a widening grin, and the eagerly curious question if Levi will serve coffee too.

Deciding to not tell Hanji about this part of the conversation ever, Levi nods, and shakes the man's hand.

*~*~*~

Ironically enough, the tiny details at the end of the road seem to take the longest to get sorted out. It begins with finding the right cinnamon rolls.

To be fair, Levi already knew this particular issue wasn't going to be easy as he begun talking to the local bakers. There's an exact flavour-texture combination he wants, and Levi won't settle for anything else. He quickly finds a confectioner he trusts. The family makes cherry pies so good Hanji swears Norman's bakery is the place where pies must go when they go to Heaven. However, cinnamon rolls turn out to be a different kettle of fish. They're either too sugary, too bland, too firm, or are too strong on the cardamom, or too weak.

"Levi," Hanji tries to reason. "It's just a cinnamon roll. It's delicious! I don't see your point in not wanting it. You're usually not this anal when it comes to food." She snorts at her own joke, but gurns when Levi doesn't join in. "Okay, what is it this time?"

"It's falling apart too easily." He lifts one end of the curled up pastry, and it loosens directly from the rest of the bun. "Norman said so himself. It should stick together better."

"Is this because of Eren?"

"It's because it's not right," Levi insists with a snappish tone.

Hanji sighs. "Does that mean I can have both, then?"

He hands over his plate. She looks a bit too thin these days anyway.

Whereas Levi goes intense over baked goods, he's overstrained when it comes to cutlery.

"I don't like this pastry fork, Levi," Hanji says one stormy afternoon, holding out a fork which looks exactly like the other one she's shown him, telling him it was nice.

He frowns. "They all look the same to me."

"How can you say that! Look," she says, holding out the previous fork again. "This one has a broader tooth at its side so you can cut through cakes and pie crusts better, I presume." She reaches for the other fork once more to hold it directly under his nose. "And this one has a different handle. It's edgy. See?"

Not recoiling one bit from the pointy item directly before his eyes, Levi folds his arms. "Then pick the first one. I'm shit at this."

"It's your café, not mine," Hanji protests. "Details like this are important, Levi. Remember when you told me about knife handles? This is the knife handle of your café. It will not be the same knife with another handle, because another one would change the weight and balance of everything. You know that. You gave me a whole evening lecture."

Listening to her stream of words, he blinks. "What you're telling me here is, that we spent four months renovating this building, and yet my café's future will all depend on whether or not I pick a certain kind of fork?"

She grins and finally pulls back the fork under his nose. "Ah, now we understand each other! I'm so glad."

He realises Hanji won't make this decision outright. "Whatever. The first one. Because of that broader tooth. It's more practical, I guess."

Hanji snorts. "You're supposed to like it, not find it practical."

Giving a chin jerk kind of nod at the fork in her hand, Levi stands firm. "This one."

"All right." She beams, putting the forks away before reaching for another box. "Napkins next. Then lamps and candles."

Levi holds back a sigh.

The choice of china for the café is much easier, yet harder at the same time. It's easier, since Levi knows exactly what he wants. Plain, white china. No bells and whistles. It's easier, since it feels so obvious; simple, and right.

It's harder, since seemingly "this style is out of fashion, Sir," as yet another vendor tells him hastily with a greasy smile and a voice that feels sticky.

Upon meeting Levi's frown, he begins to pale slightly, but relocates his officiousness with a well-practised grace. "If I can interest you in this rose decor, though?" he continues. "For a special price, of course. It would be my honour to supply the café of a war hero-"

Levi turns around and leaves the shop without a further word. It's one thing to accept a discount offered with a cordial intention. Stroking one's ego is another. He's always loathed brown-nosers.

It takes him the good part of a month, but he finally sees the china he wants. It's shyly presented on a shelf in the corner of an old china shop. The store is run by a wrinkly woman with a bent back, shabby wardrobe, and sharp, yet kind eyes. Levi smiles and buys enough so he'll have a good amount of backup plates and cups, expecting some to break. He buys an extra big coffee mug for Hanji too.

By the end of July the furniture arrives. After commenting she thought Levi would have gone with Survey Corps reminiscent green upholstery, Hanji helps him set it up. They work on organising the tables on the same day the scribe comes to paint the name of the café onto the window front. Both jobs take about the same time. Levi and Hanji are inside pushing the chairs and tables back and forth until everything feels right. Meanwhile the scribe is diligently drawing each letter into a tasteful line that has Levi look forward to the result as he glances his way. When they're all finished, it's afternoon. Levi nods at the place, feeling actual pride rush through his veins.

He's got a small café now. It even looks like one.

The brass counter has been delivered and set up the previous week. It stands directly next to the entrance on the left side, partially blocking where the doorway to the staff department frames the wall. To the right is a collection of narrow tables, most of them in combination with simple, but comfortably padded, red—not green—corduroy and wood chairs. The two smaller tables are framed by the two red corduroy armchairs each. The fifth armchair is similar, and they carried it upstairs to his flat. Going by Hanji's reaction, she likes the gift almost as much as Levi likes his leather monster residing beside it in front of the hearth.

Hanji seems to like the café too, and Levi has to agree. The dark furniture compliments the hue of the wooden floor he installed during the hottest week of summer to date. Levi thinks back to the day when he talked to the carpenter about the choice of material. Oak with its previously light colour starkly changed by smoking reminded Levi of Eren's hair. Watching the afternoon sun cast though the windows now, he thinks the wooden floor looks even better like this. It's a wonderful mix of bright tones; golden honey with darker tints that remind Levi of well-used and cared for saddle leather.

After paying the scribe for a job well done, Levi looks at the building from the outside. Aside from the actual tea and coffee, which should arrive any day now, plus cake and customers, the Sparrow is finished. It's ready to be made lively with people, with talkings and laughter.

"Thank you," he says to Hanji and frowns. The simple words don't feel sufficient, not even close. It also still feels like he hasn't done enough.

Next to him, Hanji grins and slaps his shoulder. "One more thing is still missing, though."

"What," Levi demands, torn between relief and worry Hanji has noticed too.

Cackling, she steps back inside, marching into the staff department. A few moments later, she emerges with a little paper box.

"No," Levi insists with a glare. "No more gifts."

The package she pushes into his hand feels surprisingly heavy. "It's not a gift. You paid for it. It's still a surprise."

He bristles. "You went behind my back and ordered knickknack I don't need?"

Rolling her eyes, Hanji sighs. "Just open it, Grumpy."

Levi complies, lifting the paper lid, and freezes as his heart kicks against his throat.

"It's a bell," he murmurs, stating the obvious.

"Because what would a café be without one, right?" Hanji replies.

Levi picks the bell up, and it gives a single, resonant chime. It's a clear, beautiful sound, that feels a bit like out of this world as it shoots a wave of energy down Levi's spine. It sounds exactly like the one in the café he's visited with Eren back then.

"Honestly, Levi," Hanji chatters on, "I can't believe you didn't think of getting one yourself. A good café needs a bell on its door. Everyone knows that."

Levi blinks. He has completely forgotten about the bell until now.

"The box also contains a small rack for attaching it. I didn't know which material you'd like, but the smith said iron would be best, and the sound is nice, don't you think?"

There must be words in his head, but Levi can't find any of them to reply.

"Please tell me you like it," Hanji says into his overwhelmed state of silence.

Looking up at her expression that's caught somewhere between concern and hope, Levi reaches out with his hand to squeeze her arm. "Thank you," he manages, keeping his scratchy voice as calm and steady as he can. "It's good."

"Yes!" Hanji exclaims as the smile in her eyes fills with such relief and happiness Levi smiles back.

Not hesitating any longer, he fetches some tools alongside a small ladder, to mount the bell to the inside of the door. As he gives it a test run by opening and closing the door, he listens to another set of clear tinkles. A grateful warmth is enveloping him from the inside out, and completion settles over the place.

It truly was the final item missing. As far as objects go anyway.

Looking up at the bell once more, Levi smiles. He might not have many friends left, but the one he does have must be the best anyone could ever have. "Whisky on me tonight," he says.

Hanji cheers.

*~*~*~

Experience has taught Levi if things seem to go well, it's often right before they turn into utter rubbish. To his surprise, however, the setback he's awaiting over the following week fails to appear. Instead things go almost frighteningly smooth. Thus the 'Sparrow, Tea and More' opens its door on a rainy day in August right on schedule.

The summer shower is a blessing. It doesn't take long for the first people to enter the café whilst seeking refuge from the rain. They step in with curious glances and shy smiles to order the first rounds of tea or coffee, and cake.

Hanji arrives in the afternoon, some familiar Survey Corps soldiers in tow. They give Levi their congratulations before Hanji orders "five cups of vile black coffee" with a shit eating grin. Levi comments on it with nothing beyond a professional nod that makes her laugh.

"How's it going?" Hanji asks once she's calmed down from her laughing fit, and Levi is delivering their order. It's good to see familiar faces, and hear their voices after not seeing them in months.

"Not bad," Levi admits, noticing her beam as she accepts her own, extra big mug.

With the first flood of customers abating in the late noon, it has been quiet. Levi knows these things need time to become routine. At least the customers he's had so far seemed pleased when they left. Even the coffee, Levi admits as he refills cups for Hanji and her company, truly was a good idea. As was the cake and other dessert items.

The only thing missing, Levi thinks once more as he lets his gaze wander over the room, is Eren. His ghost is still here in one way or the other, though. He's in the dark, wooden floor and furniture. In the brass counter, in the memories brought on Gunpowder tea, in the white colour on the walls, even in the red-not-green, yet beautiful and cosy corduroy armchairs. Eren's influence is felt in the light shining through the windows, painting the café in warm colours. He's there in the shadows too, where he's always been ever since the day he left. It must be enough, Levi reminds himself.

Within the first week, it becomes clear Hanji is the first of Levi's regular customers. Other soldiers follow her inside during their own free time, and the Survey Corps presence quickly makes the Sparrow feel like some kind of military resort. The Corps is still taking care of one of their own, and their rompy conversations lighten the mood in the Sparrow, even if Levi doesn't have much to say aloud in return.

Levi's upholsterer steps in during the first week as well, bringing along his family. They all greet Levi with smiles and congratulations to opening the café. The little girl from the picture has grown since the painting has been made and is probably in her early teens now. She looks up at Levi with a grin that tells him this kid is a card. She isn't shy either.

"Nice to meet you, Captain Levi," she announces, holding out her hand. "Thank you for what you did during the war. I'm Rita."

After hesitating for a brief moment, Levi reaches over the counter to shake her hand. "Nice to meet you too, Rita."

She retreats her hand. "I'll be a Survey Corps Soldier one day, just like you." Whereas her sister giggles reservedly into her hand, their mother merely sighs.

Levi lifts an eyebrow at Rita. "Is that so?"

"Yes," she enthuses. "I'll enlist for Training next season."

It's not an empty promise. Levi can tell this much. "What if they don't recruit new soldiers anymore?" he asks.

"Why shouldn't they?" she protests.

Sharing a short glance with Rita's father, who gives a compliant shrug that speaks volumes, Levi folds his arms. "You probably already know they're downsizing," he challenges her with a flicker of curiosity. "What if the Scouts don't come back? The Military wouldn't like to send out more on their expenses if it wouldn't be profitable in the end."

"The Scouts have a shifter with them," she says in a self-assured tone as if she'd explain one and one equals two. "I heard he's one of the best. They'll come back. You're the most reliable fighters we have."

Her sister shifts slightly in her pose, but doesn't seem to be offended.

"People tend to make stupid decisions," Levi points out.

Undeterred by his counter-argument, Rita angles her head and throws Levi a surprisingly astute look which blatantly conveys a 'nobody will fuck with me' attitude. "I know," she states with a conspiratorial roll of her eyes. "People can be idiots, can't they? If they shut the Scouts down before it's time for me to enlist, I'll help Dad in the shop. I'd much rather be out there, though. The world must be huge!" The sigh she heaves is equal parts dreamy and decisive. Then she seems to notice Levi's apron. "Do you still have your uniform and gear? Do you still fly out there sometimes?"

"Rita," her father interferes. "What did we tell you?"

Putting on a stubborn, yet all the same carefree expression, Rita turns around. "You told me to be polite. I am."

"We told you to restrain yourself, young lady, especially in front of people who don't know you." Her mother reminds her, her brown eyes searching Levi's with an apologetic frown. At the words 'young lady,' Rita pulls a face. "I'm sorry, Sir."

In assurance, Levi shakes his head. "Don't worry. And no, I don't," he answers Rita's initial question.

The disappointment seems to weigh heavy on her shoulders. "Well, that's a bummer."

"The uniform and gear belong to the military, silly," her sister advises with a mild nudge of her elbow. "I already told you."

"But, he's Captain Levi," Rita retorts, perking up with indignation. "He saved us. I would have let him keep the uniform." Grinning once more, she turns back to Levi. "Is it true you had no military training whatsoever when you were recruited? That's so cool!"

Levi bites back a smirk. It's been long since he last met someone this eager to join the forces. Actually, he's never seen someone this eager to enlist in the Scouts at all, except one. As soon as the thought is there, the expected sting follows, and Levi casts Eren's image aside.

"All right, that's enough for today, Rita," her father diverts with determination whilst ruffling Rita's hair until she laughs. "We're here to try tea and eat cake after all. What can you recommend, Sir? Do I see some of Norman's cherry pies in that display? I heard, he is your baker."

In spite of her parent's interference, Rita clearly isn't done with her interrogation. After the family has finished their shared tea and cake on the house, she passes the counter with a wave and an enthused: "I'll be back, Captain."

As her mother guides Rita out of the door with a loving gaze, alongside an exasperated set of her shoulders, Levi watches them leave. He can't help the amused thought if Rita should ever be under Hanji's command, they'll both be a perfect challenge for each other.

Apparently the family has liked their visit at the Sparrow, since only a few days later, Rita's sister returns, leading a couple of off-duty members of the Military Police into the café. Norman and his family are curious as well. They seem to spell each other at their visits during quiet hours at the bakery.

"You've got rather long opening hours for a one-man business," Norman's wife says lightly, her sweet-natured face adorned by a faint blush.

"It's a café, Evelyn," Levi explains, counting the change for a can of Darjeeling she bought.

She accepts the money with a smile and puts it away into her small pouch. "That might be true, but when do you buy your food? You live alone too. Don't you?"

He raises an eyebrow at her curiosity, and her blush spreads even more.

"I'm sorry," she adds hastily, peering down at her hands before meeting Levi's eyes again. "I don't want to intrude. I only was thinking… If you need anything for yourself that we can provide, we'd be happy to add it to the morning deliveries. We have good connections to the local farmers too, so if you need anything, feel free to ask."

Frowning, Levi considers it for a moment. It's the second week of the Sparrow, and it's already clear the offer, though perhaps a bit overeager on her part, is a reasonable one.

Giving her a small nod, he fetches a sheet of wax paper to wrap it around her can of Darjeeling. "What would it cost to add a loaf of bread every now and then?" he asks.

"No extra fee," Evelyn announces, visibly straightening up with gleaming eyes. "Apart from the bread, of course. We could add butter and milk. Eggs too, naturally. No cheese or meat, I'm afraid, but we know Katinka from the farm with that lovely goat curd, and Arne. You know, the hunter. And Svend the butcher too. We can tell them to come over if you'd like. They should know about your café anyway. It's a lovely place. One can tell you put lots of care into it."

Levi can't shake the feeling he gets a special treatment here. It's kindly meant, though, and he knows Evelyn cares a big deal, so he only gives her another nod. "Don't overdo it," he orders nonetheless. "And one loaf of that rye bread for tomorrow."

"Wonderful." She beams, takes her wrapped caddie, and leaves with a gush of assurances Levi won't regret this.

He guesses, he truly won't.

With Evelyn working in the background, the word about the Sparrow spreads rapidly. So rapidly, in fact, Levi can't help but suspect, there must be a rub to it.

Hanji seems to think differently.

"See?" She grins at him one rainy day after she gulped down her new habitual morning coffee. "The café plan was a good choice for you. Also, the new apron suits you. I like that it's black. Just like your soul."

Levi glares, but can't bring himself to put much venom into it. He owes her too much, and she can tease him as much as she likes.

"It's a shame you don't offer proper breakfast though," Hanji says, chewing on a mouthful of cherry pie. "Don't get me wrong, this thing tastes divine. But what about pretzels, or something? Something savoury."

Wondering why it's always her ideas that are the best, Levi refills her coffee. "I'll talk to Norman."


	5. News

After a month has passed, Levi has more or less settled in his new routine: Irregular sleep, as always. Beginning of the day at six with a shower, followed by shaving, tea, then breakfast. Opening the Sparrow at half past seven to the bakery's delivery. Closing it at seven in the evening. Dinner at eight. Bookkeeping on Mondays with closing and eating his meagre dinner an hour early. Going to bed whenever fatigue demands it. Cleaning whenever the nightly rest won't come. Constantly battling his memories of Eren that won't let Levi rest.

Eventually giving in to Hanji's well-intentioned badgering, Levi bought a bed. It's a big one, because Hanji swore it was the right choice to make. Yet every night Levi stands before the odd thing, it feels too big for one single person. Soon he imagines the bed judges him whenever he slips under the comforter Hanji presented him, despite Levi's protests. Claiming several soldiers insisted on reminding him he's still one of their own, Levi lost the argument. The Survey Corps colouring of the thick blanket reminds Levi where he comes from. Naturally, it also reminds him of Eren.

Levi's gaze inevitably wanders over to the drawing on his nightstand. The mere knowledge it looks at him from this close brings the voice back, and with it the longing. Still, Levi keeps on looking at it, telling Eren goodnight every day.

It takes two months for Levi to decide this latest habit is stupid. He first bans the picture into the living room. After catching himself brooding over it in the evenings whilst sitting in his chair, he takes it down into the Sparrow. He can't bring it over himself to lock it away in his old military trunk.

"He looks good down here!" Hanji says on the next morning and adds with a wink: "You should have more drawings in this place."

"Then draw them yourself," he snaps, arranging a new pile of napkins into a neat pillar.

Slapping her palm onto the counter, she jerks up on her bar stool. "You know what? I will."

She keeps her word, bringing a sketchbook with her the next time she visits. Supplied with coffee and cherry pie, she sits down at one of the tables to pencil some quick expressions of the café.

The results are good. With the thought in mind that if he has multiple reminders of Eren all over the Sparrow, he probably should add more things which are Hanji, and solely Hanji's contribution, Levi buys three frames. When Hanji enters the Sparrow the next morning, her drawings already hang on the wall opposite the window front, and on the wall facing the counter, making her beam.

Sometimes Hanji still comes over at night, mostly on Fridays. On rare occasions, she manages to drag Levi into a pub. Mostly they sit in their respective armchairs in front of the fireplace and talk. They share a simple dinner, or sometimes try new samples of pastries for the café. Most often, the latter are due to Levi's ongoing attempt to find the exact right cinnamon rolls. He tells Hanji about his week, mostly they are all not that bad. She returns the favour, including the latest evolutions happening within the Survey Corps and the Military in general.

News reached headquarters on a stormy late September day the Exploration Team has found an ocean. Samples of everything are being brought back, along with detailed map information. The Scouts have begun their return trip.

Levi spends the next morning between serving his customers, and staring at the picture of Eren on his counter. He tries to imagine what Eren's eyes must have seen, and how he must have felt. Levi hopes Eren is well; and misses, always misses him.

Eren has never stopped slipping back into Levi's mind like a ghost, like an unfathomable menace lurking around the next corner. Too often Levi's imagination places him sitting on one of the bar stools at the counter. He appears in flashes of scent, or images, or sounds, completely unpredictable, making Levi falter in his movements.

The day after Hanji's news it feels like Eren is about to walk through the café's door any moment. He'd smile at Levi like he used to, and order Gunpowder tea and chocolate cake, to eat it with a pleased hum—the one sound Eren always makes that seems to settle deep in Levi's stomach without ever wanting to fade. It doesn't matter it's all happening within his head. Time has made these episodes normal to Levi, so he shrugs them off as best as he can.

Another month has passed when Hanji tells Levi the recent developments and discoveries have convinced the higher-ups to expand the Survey Corps.

"Expand it?" Levi asks from his leather chair. It's another one of their Friday nights together, and they sit in front of his hearth.

"With the world wide open now, we need more Scouts," Hanji explains. She lounges in her corduroy chair with her feet dangling over one of the armrests. "And since the tasks are a lot different from what the Military Police do, and the Garrison used to do, they want us to train them ourselves."

Levi snorts. "They don't want to change their curriculums and training structures."

"Yeah, my thinking exactly," Hanji agrees.

"Lazy bastards," Levi grunts before taking another sip from his tea cup. At least Rita will probably be happy about it, he muses. This way she can even skip the regular Training and become a Scout Trainee right from the start.

Yawning, Hanji stretches her arms in the air before flopping back into her previous position. "It shouldn't surprise me as much as it does, I guess. Ever since we arrived here at the original HQ, I've been wondering why they would relocate us here when our Exploration Teams would head out soon. Even with everyone at home, we weren't even half full."

Levi grunts in approval. "Will they assign you Trainers, or will you have to look for them yourself." A part of him wonders if she's planning to ask him for help, since she brought the subject up.

"Latter, as it seems. It's better like this, though," Hanji answers in a distracted tone.

"Mm. Sort out the crap right away," Levi advises.

She grins. "I thought about asking for support from our Exploration Squads when they get back."

Levi takes a sip of his Assam. He knows what's coming. Hanji has not asked him for assistance, so that leaves her only with one option, and it's clear she's going to ram it down his throat.

"Eren would be perfect as an Instructor. Don't you think?" She beams like back then when Erwin allowed her to play with Titans. "He's good with kids, and wouldn't it be nice to have him back to stay?"

Answering with nothing but silence, Levi watches the flames of the fire licking on a freshly added piece of wood. Of course it is exactly as he predicted. She always brings up Eren one way or the other.

She sighs. "Your enthusiasm is stunning as always."

"Drop it," Levi growls. "When do you have to start?"

"Winter," she replies.

Levi nods.

Rearranging her legs, Hanji shifts in her seat to sit properly. "Oh, Levi. How often do I have to say that they're all fine before you can believe it? Because they are. Eren will come back safe. I know it."

It's a rather foolish attempt to deflect when she's in one of her moods. Levi tries anyway. "I said fucking drop it. What will you teach?"

Hanji relents with a pout, folding her arms. "Wildlife and survival lessons, alongside some cartography essentials. Usual gear training and cardio drills. Fighting techniques are required, and I also want them to be able to defend themselves since we don't really know what's out there."

Staring into the flames in the hearth before him, Levi hums.

Hanji sighs again and eyes Levi sternly through her glasses. "Why don't you ever want to talk about him, Levi?"

"Why haven't you seen water since I don't even know how long ago?" he fires back.

"Denial doesn't suit you," she insists.

"How is this denial?"

"You clearly miss him. Why don't you talk to me? It would help," Hanji tries again, leaning forward.

"What exactly would that help?" he snaps.

"I don't know." She shrugs. "We could make a plan?"

"To what! To lure him here and lock him up? I won't help you to hold him where he doesn't want to be, four-eyes. He deserves better than what the old Government tried to do to him."

"And what about you, Levi? I can't even remember the last time you laughed. And believe me, I tried."

"I'm not your latest fucking Titan project!"

"No, of course, you're not! But you should have someone who looks out for you, since you clearly don't do it yourself. And how do you know he won't want to be here?" she asks, jaw set in an angle of tenaciousness. "I know, he cares about you too."

"Shut the fuck up," Levi orders, seizing his last weapon. "Or I swear, water and soap. Today. Right here, right now."

Leaning back in her seat, Hanji shakes her head. "This is not good for you, Levi. You can't continue to live like this. With the expansion, Eren can choose to stay here wi—"

"Okay, that's it." Putting down his cup, Levi lunges from his chair.

"Oh, no. No, Levi, please!" Shooting up from her chair too, Hanji tries to escape. She doesn't get far.

As has always been the case, it's ugly. Months of disregarding Erwin's longest standing orders to take care of Hanji cannot overrule years of practice. It only takes Levi five seconds to have pinned her flailing arms. She screams and fights her fate tooth and nail, yet no matter her strength, or panic, Levi is still stronger. Kicking the bathroom door shut behind them, he hurls her into the tub.

As he turns on the water, Hanji keeps lashing out, spattering the spray into every direction possible until she, the bathroom floor, and not to mention Levi himself, are soaked. Her fists automatically pummel Levi's saturated shirt-covered chest, each hit accompanied with soggy splashing sounds.

It's during her hysterical shrieks when Levi realises, he's actually been missing this. He's always been a creature of habit and it's been too long since this routine has gotten attention. Another thing lost with his retirement.

"You're an arsehole," Hanji bubbles, looking like misery going wild.

"Good," Levi growls back. "I guess we're even then." He shoves her head under the spray.

Hanji coughs and splutters. "Such an arsehole to keep doing this when Erwin's long dead! I hate you!"

"I know." He lets her emerge to gasp for some air, then shoves her right back.

She coughs more water, still fighting him with everything she's got. "Why do you keep on doing this!"

Levi snarls. "Well, someone has to make sure you don't get some fucked up skin rotting disease and fucking die."

The first whiny sob escapes her, and her fists begin to slow down. Knowing the worst racket is over for now, Levi gives her a moment to breathe before he strips her. Sometimes he wonders if she's always having a meltdown when she showers, or if it's because of his ongoing efforts to clean her up. Perhaps she has a fear of water. It at least would explain her aversion to body hygiene.

"Why are they all gone?" she gargles suddenly. "Erwin, and the rest. Even miss you being a cranky old bastard. Dragging me into the showers every month. Or making me eat when I didn't realise I stayed in my lab for a couple of days and even Moblit couldn't get me to eat." With the last sentence, the familiar hitting stops completely while her hands bunch Levi's shirt inside her fists.

"I'm still here," Levi points out.

Her fist hits him again with one final, weak splash, alongside a shake of her head. "Why won't you let me help you?" she wails, shuddering with tears, and inhales more water. Coughs again. "Why?"

"I can't," he replies mildly. "I did that to myself, glasses. Now close your eyes. Soap is coming and I don't want to make you even blinder than you already are. We'll need a scrubbing brush too this time. Fuck, you're caked."

She whimpers. "Please don't use the same soap as the last time."

"I'm not. I've got the one you don't mind," Levi concedes, reaching for the bar and foaming it up with the brush.

"The milk one?" she sniffs. Shivers.

"Yes."

In the end they just stand in the tub, her sobbing and shaking against his chest, while Levi holds her close, running his fingers over her neck and freshly washed hair.

"I only want to see you happy," she blubbers.

"I know," he huffs.

"And you're not. You're not even fine."

Water rains down on the both of them.

"No," he admits.

Hanji weeps even harder. Knowing it's all on his behalf doesn't make it easier, or better. Still Levi lets her cry it out against his shoulder and closes his eyes.

He's never said it out loud before, and hearing it now aches all over again. It's been almost seven months to the day since he bought this house and moved in. No matter how much he struggles to forget, no matter what he tries to turn this place into a home, Levi still feels like a stranger in it. Despite all his efforts, he feels oddly adrift. Practicalities and work help keep him busy throughout the day, but it's enough for a customer to laugh or talk with a similar voice to Eren's, for someone to mention Titans, or sometimes even a simple glance against the sun, and all of Levi's efforts to move on go to waste in an instant.

His flat is cold, and no summer heat, no fire, no hot water, not even Hanji's visits can change things. The memories he's been trying to flee in buying this place still remain, lurking everywhere, waiting for him to be alone. Surrounded by quiet, and nothing but tea that tastes much too stale, Eren's presence always returns. Maybe this is how things will be for the rest of his life. Levi has never belonged anywhere anyhow. He has always been the one left behind. He isn't someone who can reach out and find happiness, as simple as that may be to others. Probably he wouldn't even know what to do with it once it was his, and would destroy it. Again.

If he only knew how to forget. Maybe it would stop Eren from having this much control over Levi's life. Even when Eren is so many days, weeks, and paces away. It certainly would help to make Hanji stop crying on his behalf.

Mentally recapitulating their argument, Levi wonders what Eren is doing now. Wonders if he is fast asleep, or looking into a campfire, or standing in a rainstorm of his own. Find your laughter, Levi thinks once more. Then he turns off the water, wraps Hanji into the big towel she likes most, and fetches them both a set of clean, dry clothes.

Back in front of the fireplace, Hanji sinks down in her chair, and rubs at her red puffy eyes with a final sniff. Levi hands her a glass of whisky. She doesn't bring up Eren again. Instead she lets Levi engage her in a discussion about gear training and survival drills for twelve-year-olds. When the fire is gone out very late that night, Levi fetches her his blanket, and lets her sleep in the chair next to him.

At least they still have each other.

*~*~*~

"I'm sorry, Norman," Levi says, looking at the latest batch of cinnamon rolls. It's the tenth time he's said this since they set out on this mission, and he's sick to the back teeth of apologising to this man. Not that it's anyone else's fault than Levi's own.

Admittedly, he indeed is anal about this topic. He even begins to suspect he's chasing an ideal of something that never was quite as he remembers. Maybe the cinnamon rolls simply lack Eren's presence. Just like everything else.

It's a few days after Hanji's enforced shower, and the golden October sun sends its hazy afternoon glow through the window front of the Sparrow. Norman, who's come in for a weekly checkup if everything is all right with the cake and bread, sits at Levi's counter on a bar stool, enjoying a cup of tea.

At Levi's words, his bushy face assumes an expression of cheerlessness. "I'm sorry, Levi," Norman says in his deep, sonorous voice. "And no need to apologise on your side, it's my fault. I just can't get them right, can I? Should be easy, one could assume, but making them as you want…" he shrugs, scratching his fire red head that matches his beard.

"They are good," Levi concedes. "Just not quite as I remember them. And my description lacks detail too."

Norman shakes his head, his eyes going mild as he takes a sip of his tea. Amongst all of Levi's customers, Norman is one of the few odd men out when it comes to the preferred choice of what goes into their cup. "Well," he says, "I promised you, we'll get them right eventually. I would understand if you wouldn't want them for your café, when they're not as you want them to be. So if you want a refund for this batch, that would be no problem."

"Out of the question. I'll take them all," Levi insists. He doesn't want them to go to waste, and besides: "My friend likes them, and the other customers as well. You've got to live too and you're doing good work. It should be appreciated."

"Truly would have been all right, but good then. I'm glad they find their way into some happy stomachs. Let's get today's problem sorted out, though." The smile is back on Norman's features as he produces a notepad out of his pockets. "Fire away. What do you want to be different?"

"The cardamom is too strong," Levi explains and bites into one of the rolls to examine it more closely. His teeth easily sink through the soft yet firm yeast dough a moment before the flavour of spices, enhanced by crunchy sugar, explodes in his mouth.

"Too strong, eh?" Norman scratches his head with his pencil. "Last time was too weak, you said."

Levi looks at the roll in his hands as he first chews, then swallows. "Yes. It's closer to what I want this time and better than too little. The texture is better too." He gives the roll a careful squish and tears experimentally at the end of a string. "Right amount of sticky. Still a bit too big. I've got children here sometimes, and let's say a ten-year-old should be able to manage it so nothing goes to waste. Cinnamon seems to be all right. Sugar too. But adjusting the cardamom might change that, so I'll leave that up to you."

Scribbling it all down in a handwriting that matches Levi's art skills, Norman nods. "All right then. Anything else I can do for you?"

"A multi-grain bread and a loaf of wheat bread tomorrow morning," Levi replies. "The soft one that Frey brought over to test two weeks ago."

"That brioche," Norman booms. "Yeah, that was a lovely batch, wasn't it? Rather proud of myself, if I may say so. Consider it done!"

"Thank you." Despite Levi's initial hesitance when Evelyn first offered to add personal orders to his morning delivery, it's quickly become a welcome easement.

"Is everything working out with Frey and the morning deliveries?" Norman asks, closing the notepad before he stores it away in his pockets again. "I hope he doesn't give you any trouble."

"He's not," Levi assures, noticing the proud gleam in Norman's eyes.

"Good. And how are Arne and Katinka treating you? Arne is a nice guy, yet he comes across as peculiar and rough to most people."

Levi smiles. Arne is silent, until he begins to talk. He likes to cool his beer in the earth in the colder months and has enwrapped Levi in a long lecture about firearms. Levi, in return, talked about knives. Arne isn't a problem. Katinka isn't either. Running her farm with her bad hip as she does, has long earned Levi's respect, and despite her busy days she always finds time to bring over cheese once a week.

"They're all right," he says.

A faint blush appears on Norman's cheeks. "I still owe you an apology for Evelyn's persistence there. She likes to take care of people and make everyone feel comfortable. Lovely woman," he smiles to himself. "She deals with my stuff every day, old fart that I am, with the patience of a saint. She was seventeen when we met. I was already close to thirty. Fell for that smile right away. Couldn't believe my luck when she looked at me, still can't." His voice has become scratchy with emotion, and he reaches for a napkin to rub his eyes.

Politely looking away, Levi refills Norman's tea. Naturally Eren slips back into his thoughts again, alongside the question if Eren is looking forward to his return, or if he wishes he could stay at his ocean to watch the endless waters.

"Don't mind about Evelyn," Levi assures after the sniffing on the other side of the counter has abated. "And it's not like I can't defend myself if she overplays it."

Norman beams and chuckles, eyes still slightly glossy, yet sparkling again. "I'm glad then. What is this tea anyway?" He asks, glancing into the cup before him. "It's lovely."

"Oolong." Levi fetches the caddie and opens it for Norman to examine the leaves.

"Oolong, eh? Pretty." He strokes over his long, shiny beard. "Is this for sale too?"

"It is," Levi says.

Norman nods and gives a considering hum. "You can infuse the leaves multiple times?"

"Yes," Levi answers. "Just as the Gunpowder you bought the last time. Same procedure too, but it has to infuse a bit longer."

"Wonderful!" Blue eyes shine with an anticipation that Levi has come to recognize over the last months.

He closes the big can and heads towards the staff department. "I'll fetch you a caddie then."

"Ta! Honestly, I thought I'd never live to see the day. Evelyn and I always liked tea, but never tried too much apart from the dark ones. Your café is like the land of milk and honey to us. Full of little wonders." Norman sags slightly in his seat, eyeing the cinnamon rolls with worry.

"No need to be concerned," Levi says as he writes the brewing instructions onto a provided label of the can. "Like I said, they're good."

Norman nods, and then suddenly smiles at the frame on Levi's counter. "Are they for him?"

Closing his pen, Levi holds back a sigh. Well, he guesses, they'd want to know as soon as they saw the picture. It's not as if he'd make a secret out of it by bringing it down here. He also should have been prepared for Norman and his wife to put two and two together. "Maybe," he evades.

"Is he that Titan shifter everyone's heard of? The one from your old Squad?" Norman asks in a curious tone that matches his wife's. He might be excusing Evelyn's zealous altruism and penchant for gossip, but Norman himself doesn't fall far from that tree either. "He's one of those out there, isn't he?"

"He is," Levi replies, looking at the drawing now as well. "And yes."

Norman's blue eyes widen as his cheeks swell with an eager expression. "Oh, you must tell me about this lad. I heard he joined your Squad right after Training."

"He did," Levi says, reaching for a sheet of wax paper from under the counter, alongside the black sealing wax and his seal. Norman's gaze pleas for more, so Levi continues. "They didn't trust him and were close to dissecting him."

Norman face is a picture of sorrow. "They were?" Levi assumes the man has seen enough misery in his years, especially in this town, yet that obviously hasn't broken his sympathy.

Folding the smooth paper around the rectangular caddie, Levi nods. "Yes. We got him out of there. Fortunately. It was close enough as it was." He uses a knife to cut off some parts of the wax stick, then collects the black pieces in a spoon to heat them over a flame. Instantly the resinous scent of sealing wax spreads in the room, mingling with the flavour of coffee and wood polish.

"Is it true that he was one of your best?" Norman asks, hanging on Levi's lips.

Long gone moments flash through Levi's head. Furious eyes behind bars. Eren bleeding from his hands in a well. Eren asking for guidance in the woods. Eren training until he'd faint to get stronger. Eren raging against injustice. Blank, green eyes staring far beyond the mist.

Holding the wrapping in place, Levi pours the melted wax onto the edge of the paper's flap and presses his seal onto the spot. As he lifts it from the hardening wax, it reveals a simple 'S', standing out on smooth black. "He always gave his all," he says finally.

"Well, I'm curious about what they'll have to tell about the world when they come back." Norman says, expression dreamy. "I heard they will return soon?"

"In about a month, apparently," Levi says with a frown.

It's still odd to even think about it. They usually never come back. That's how it used to be, at least. Trust Eren Yaeger to surprise him with everything until Levi's world stands upside down.

"You must miss him." Upon Levi's lifted eyebrow, Norman shrugs and folds his massive arms. "Don't give me that look, young man. One can see, you know?"

Snorting at the comment about his age, Levi relents. Norman is heading towards sixty, although he doesn't look like it one bit. "Yes, I thought so," he admits.

"His eyes seem nice." Norman smiles, glancing back at the drawing. "Are they truly this big, I wonder?"

Placing the neatly wrapped caddie with Norman's new Oolong on the counter, Levi smiles too. "You have no idea."

"Can't wait to meet him, then." Putting on a conspiratorial grin, Norman leans over the counter. "Speaking of which. What kind of cake does your lad like?"

"Norman," Levi says sternly, leaning forward as well. Knowing Norman and Evelyn, he has to put things straight right away. "He doesn't look back."

Norman's grin widens. "No reason not to spoil him, eh? Who knows what might happen."


	6. The Return

Norman, naturally, isn't the only one besides Hanji who comments on the frame on Levi's brass counter. Almost everyone is, all in their own way.

Evelyn comes in only a day after her husband, declaring "Norman told her everything," whilst still asking Levi the exact same questions which he already answered not twenty-four hours before. Deflecting every single one as good as he can, Levi pours her tea. Then he continues sipping his own, and dismisses her after half an hour with the repeated order to not overdo it in her fussing over him. She only smiles, leaving with a zealous blush and a resolute posture. Especially latter gives Levi the feeling she won't be stopped anyway.

The soldiers visiting the Sparrow aren't much better. They grin knowingly, yet opposed to Evelyn, Levi can keep their saucy comments in check with well-chosen glares. Whatever theories they have, they more or less keep them to themselves and to base gossip. At least, they don't dare to ask Levi any invasive questions.

Arne is the only one who remains completely silent about the matter, only nodding curtly at the new decoration in the Sparrow as he drops off some self-cured elk ham on a Tuesday night. He takes seat on one of the bar stools, and after sharing their usual ten to something minutes of silence, he thanks Levi for the good talk, great drink, and promises to bring some rabbit sausages the next time.

Sometimes Levi has the feeling, Arne deliberately seeks his taciturn way when the townsfolk on the other side of the door overwhelms him with words. Levi can relate.

Rita on the other hand, is a league of her own. She bursts in one windy, colourful noon that matches her temper. Sitting at the counter, it only takes her a second to notice Eren's picture, and the interrogation begins.

"Who is this?" she demands, accepting her cup of coffee. "Thanks! Is this Eren Yaeger?" Her whole expression is so alight with sparkling curiosity that Levi suspects if she wasn't seated, she'd probably bounce up and down with excitement.

Deciding he'll need some invigorating tea for this talk, Levi reaches for the caddie with sencha, alongside the special clay pot for this tea. "Yes, that's him."

"This is so cool!" she enthuses, leaning forward and bringing her nose closer to the picture to examine it more thoroughly. "He looks so tall!" Sitting up again, she looks at Levi with worship palpably radiating off her. "How is he like?"

A bit like you, Levi wants to say as he spoons the right amount of green, needle-shaped leaves into the pot. Instead he smiles at her display of ardent zeal. "What do you think?" he returns the question.

Pondering about an answer, she purses her lips and regards Levi with curiously narrowed eyes. "Not as strong as you are, I guess," she decides after a moment. "Some people say he can be dangerous, but I don't know. I think they're stupid and afraid. Is it true he destroyed a city once?"

"It is," Levi affirms. "Well, half a city." Then he thinks about the destruction around the military base in Trost, and corrects himself. "Twice."

"So strong." Awe written all over her face, she sighs as she clutches her cup to her chest. Then she pushes herself up and takes a sip of her coffee. "I still believe he isn't dangerous though. Not for us. He looks nice. Are you two a couple?"

It's only by an immense effort of will that Levi manages not to openly smirk at her bluntness. "And what makes you ask that?" he counters with a lifted eyebrow.

The look she throws him is once more filled with pure wit. "I'm young, not stupid. You've got a picture of him here where everyone can see it. You only do that with pictures of people you like—as in really like-like. With kisses and grown-up stuff." She grimaces on the last sentence like the young teenager she is. "If you don't want people to ask questions, you should keep the drawing somewhere else, Captain. People in this town are nosy."

There's no help for Levi. An amused snort makes it out after all. It's his first mirthful outburst since Eren has left. The sudden realisation makes Levi shake his head in wonderment at himself, not to mention at the fact he just got lectured by a cheeky twelve-year-old.

"We're not a couple," he assures her.

"And…?" she prods, grinning with a victorious twinkle in her eyes. The warning glance she receives for her curiosity gets ignored completely. It even seems to spur her on if her beam is any indication to go by. It's obvious, she isn't one to be deterred.

"And anything else is none of your business, isn't it," Levi insists firmly.

She winks. "I know. Was worth a try though."

That little brat.

Barely holding his amusement in check, Levi fixes her gaze. "Still not a couple. Only good friends."

Seemingly unconvinced, Rita merely shrugs. "I don't mind gay people. I only mind bullshit."

As if to draw a line under the subject, the kettle whistles. Levi brews his tea with another snort. "Do your parents know you're here?" he asks.

Rita pulls a face. "I'm not a toddler anymore. But yes, of course they do. Dad asked me to buy a bag of coffee, and Mum allowed me to have some dessert."

Humming, Levi fetches a plate. "Which one would you like?"

Peering at the display, Rita points at a piece of nut cake. "This one, please. My cousin told me, nuts are good for muscles. I'll need loads of those and I doubt you can borrow me yours."

Levi smiles. "So, you're still determined to enlist for Military Training?" He asks, placing the cake in front of her after adding a heap of clotted cream.

The question makes Rita give a little hop in her seat as she beams. "I am. It's so cool that I can go to Scout training right away like this! And that I don't even have to go to another town. I can visit sis on the weekends. And my friends. The only thing that sucks is that you aren't a soldier anymore. I would have loved to have you as an Instructor." Reaching for the pastry fork, she begins to dig into her piece of cake.

"I never was one," Levi corrects her.

She shrugs as she chews. "You could have been. Do you know who'll teach us?"

Reminded of Hanji's, probably ongoing hope to assign the job to Eren, Levi pours the green water of the sencha directly from the pot into a cup. "Not clear yet," he replies, giving the pot a brief shake to savour every drop of infused tea.

Attacking another piece of her cake, Rita nods, and begins to pester Levi with questions about Survey Corps Training and Scout duties.

*~*~*~

On a fitting, foggy morning in November, Hanji sits down at the counter in the Sparrow, declaring the Exploration Team will rejoin them within the week.

"They are only a few more days away," she explains warily, busying herself with the goat curd spread bagel in front of her, accompanied by the latest attempt of cinnamon rolls. She sounds as if she was continuing a conversation instead of starting it. "Probably Friday."

Stomach performing a treacherous flip at the news, Levi seeks balance by wiping the already spotless countertop.

Friday. Not even a week.

Suddenly Levi doesn't know if he fears the reunion, or looks forward to it like nothing else. His hands are restless, and his skin seems to itch again. His breath comes too short. His legs want to dissolve beneath him, and his chest is too tight around his hammering heart. His whole body seems to be too big for him and too small at the same time. Tightening his fingers around the cloth to keep them from shaking, he focuses his eyes on the wiping movement of his hands.

He has to make sure the café has enough tea and cake on the weekend. Especially chocolate cake. Eren likes chocolate; used to like it at least. Levi has to talk to Norman to ensure he has a couple of extra pieces in case they come and say hello.

Hanji is silent. Silent enough that Levi knows she will dig for some dirt if he doesn't reply soon, so he reaches for his voice alongside his failing composure.

"Any important news?" he asks, feigning nonchalance.

"No. Not since the ocean." Her fingers tap onto the counter in an irregular pattern, and Levi catches her eyes for a moment.

Ever since her last forced shower two weeks ago, she's been tiptoeing around the subject, but they both knew it wouldn't last long. Today she's chatty. Interrogation mode chatty to be precise. Maybe it's the fucking mist.

Deciding it's best to stick it out, and get it over with, Levi nods and casts away the cleaning cloth to make himself some tea.

"He's all right," Hanji begins. "They all are. No injuries. No deaths."

"You said that before, four-eyes," he mutters as he opens the can with jasmine tea.

She picks on the poppy seeds of her bagel. "What I said is, there is no further news. I wanted to clarify, since obviously you need to hear it."

Spooning tea leaves into a sieve with a steady hand, Levi lifts an eyebrow. As expected, that doesn't stop her.

"I'm curious what he will think of this place you made for yourself," she says, collecting the previously discarded seeds on her plate with her finger before breaking them with her teeth.

Levi pours water over his tea. "Well, he won't have much to do with it, will he?"

Rolling her eyes, she lets out an exasperated sigh. "Oh, come on, Levi. Of course he will."

"Why?" Levi deadpans, facing her now.

Hanji blinks. "Are you serious?" Shaking her head, she doesn't even wait before answering the question herself. "Yes, you are, why am I even asking? Because he will want to know about this café when he realises you aren't living in your old quarters anymore."

Levi shrugs curtly. "Then he'll probably stop by some time."

After staring at him for a while with Levi fighting to hold her gaze, Hanji narrows her eyes, and tends back to her breakfast. "You've both been acting so odd since then."

Defenses flaring up in an instant, Levi glares. "Don't you have work to do?"

"I don't give a damn about work right now. Did you two fight? Is that what this misery you've both been feeling is all about?"

"Another shower then?" he snarls through clenched teeth. "Some old Titan crystals to examine, or some other shit? Stick your nose into that, will you."

"So you stopped talking about whatever it is," she concludes. "Good choice."

He forces himself to meet her eyes. "Fuck off."

"No. I still have food. See?" She raises her voice and stretches the next two words as if Levi was close to deafness. "Cinnamon roll!"

"Choke on it," he suggests whilst stepping back from the counter to gain some distance.

Making a show of digging into the pastry, Hanji chews excessively before swallowing with a grin. "You should finish yours too. Maybe it would make your life a little bit sweeter."

"The dough is still not right," Levi evades, shoving his plate over to her. He's not hungry. His guts are in uproar with nausea creeping in. It doesn't matter that the buns are actually close to perfect today.

With a grimace at his comment, Hanji finishes the sugary part of her breakfast. Levi drinks his tea. Each of them is lost in their own thoughts; probably both thinking about the same day, Levi muses. As always, his instincts do not fail him.

"Why is mist still so creepy?" Hanji mumbles distractedly.

"Because it is," Levi answers. "More coffee?"

"Hm?" Her head snaps up to him, her eyes blinking. "Oh, yes. Thanks."

He refills her mug.

"Do you," Hanji begins after minutes have passed. Her voice is soft enough that Levi wonders if she's talking to herself. Her eyes are fixed on a faraway place on the other side of the window, while a rare display of sadness makes her usually so optimistic features appear grim and brittle.

"I still hear Moblit, you know?" she continues. "Sometimes, when I'm deep in my work he's there, telling me to drink something, or to remember to go to the loo. I hear him reminding me that there is a meeting I have to attend to in thirty minutes. He always understood that I need that long to mentally emerge from my notes and refocus. But then I look up. And he's still gone. I can't even tell anymore if it's truly his voice that I keep hearing, or if it's long become someone else's. His features have started to blur too. I don't even know if that's good or just sad. It's so odd." She blinks and turns her head to look at Levi again.

It's an offering. One of 'show me your wound, and I show you mine.' But telling her what she wants to hear would make Eren vulnerable to her shenanigans as well. So Levi stays silent as his pulse speeds up on a new wave of helplessness that's tightening his throat.

 _"She's got a point,"_ Eren's voice says softly.

"Don't make the same mistake that I did, Levi," Hanji continues, her voice commiserating. "Just tell him. What's the worst that could happen?"

In Levi's mind a door clicks into its lock.

"Let it go, Hanji," he states quietly. "Otherwise I'll kick you out."

She frowns at his mention of her name and drinks her coffee.

Levi tidies up his already neat worktop. He doesn't want to hurt Hanji with words. Not today, not ever, but they're there, burning in his throat. Angry sentences sitting on his tongue again as his whole skin prickles with the sensation of being backed into a corner. She seems to know that too and, to Levi's relief, she drops the subject. At least for now.

"Come over tonight. Will you," Levi offers when she leaves for HQ. "We could drink until you get pissed, and you can whine about your latest Titan crush while I do something similarly humiliating."

"It's not Friday," she says.

He folds his arms. "I know." His unspoken apology earns him a hand boxing his shoulder and a smile.

Hanji is almost out of the door already when she hesitates and turns around. "You know he will want to see this place. Don't you?"

"Yes." Levi holds her gaze.

Worry is written all over her face. "You'll let him in without being a bitch about it?"

"Always," Levi promises on a heavy breath.

She nods, looks as if she wants to add more, but then she wraps her cloak tighter around herself and plunges into the bleak, damp cold.

As soon as she's out of sight, Levi goes into the staff department and lets the realisation overwhelm him for five seconds of panic.

Eren will come back. He already is close, so close, only a couple of days away.

Hands tightly gripping the sink's edge, Levi takes a deep breath to let the air out in a long exhale. He checks his tousled hair in the reflexion of a spoon before he heads behind the counter again. How do people usually deal with returns?

Levi has no answer.

*~*~*~

Four days later, and Levi still doesn't have an answer to that question. Sleep, already scarce and irregular to begin with, has almost failed to appear completely the last few days. By noon he must have had his fourth cup of nerve assuaging jasmine tea. It doesn't help.

Levi misses training hard. He could use it right now. Simply attacking a dummy in the woods or feeling the air whip around him, secured by straps. It would make him feel alive. He could almost use a fight with a stranger over some idiocy. Instead, he stands behind his counter, nods at his customers, counts change, hands out tea, coffee, and cake, and can do nothing but wait.

It's early afternoon when he hears it, bright excited voices outside on the street. The first belongs to Armin. Another familiar voice follows that belongs to Jean. An untamed laugh that belongs to Sasha. A chuckle that belongs to Connie, followed by a flash of red across the front window that's Mikasa's signature scarf. A couple of seconds of preparation are suddenly all he has before a group of soldiers step into the Sparrow with the chime of the bell. Levi feels powerless in his apron, so naked and bare.

They've come together, all six of them, and the tall, lanky man in the midst of his friends makes Levi's guts sink and fly while the rest of the world seems to fade out into distant colours and noise. Left with nothing to say, Levi's heart smashes against his ribs. All he can do is remind himself to breathe whilst staring into wonderful, stunning green eyes.

He looks so much like Levi remembers. It's the same face. The same nose, dark eyebrows, and strong jaw. Yet Eren looks so undeniably different it is like meeting a whole new person. A stranger disguised as someone Levi once knew as well as the back of his own hand. He seems to have grown even more. His shoulders, already wide before, have somehow broadened again, merging into a strong, muscular back. His hair has an even wilder look than a year ago. His eyes have new lines around them, so very fine they are hard to make out in the dim afternoon light of November. Still, they are there, along with new lines around his mouth that make him appear strangely old and haggard.

Whatever wonders Eren may, or may not have found at the ocean, they haven't given him peace. But then these eyes look back into Levi's, and the smile that follows pierces right through all his reluctant guards, making Levi's stomach give an undeniable tug. Bright, it's so bright, and Levi smiles back.

Of all the people who have left him…

The thought gets cut off by a cheer as an excited Sasha is throwing her arms around him out of the blue. Levi hadn't even seen her move before she was already laughing into his ear.

Not knowing what else to do, he huffs into a mop of soap scented, brown hair, and pats her shoulder.

"Easy there, Sash," Jean says. "Let the man breathe, for fuck's sake."

Connie snorts.

"It's so good to see you, Captain!" Sasha sighs, then steps back and beams at Levi. "Wow. You look so different in civilian clothes."

No helpful response comes to him, so Levi tells them all to sit down. The café is empty. His usual soldier customers certainly are busy with reunions of their own at this moment. Levi also can't help but suspect that Hanji has played her hands in sending the six of them over during this quiet time.

They settle around two tables, curiously looking around and then up at Levi.

"What can I bring you?" he asks, remembering only now the board with the menu hangs next to the counter. "Tea? Coffee?" he suggests.

"You've got coffee?" Sasha enthuses. "Please!"

"Hm. Cake too, I assume," Levi responds with a lifted eyebrow and a small smirk.

"As if you have to ask." She grins. They all laugh.

"Nut, chocolate, apple pie?" Levi asks.

Sasha leans forward and rests her elbows on the table with a delighted blush. "All three?"

"All right." He nods and can't hold back a smile at the familiarity.

"I'll take a coffee too," Connie says. "And a piece of nut cake."

"Hm."

"Coffee and apple pie, please," Mikasa places her order, wrapping her scarf tighter around her shoulders again. It's always been her shield.

"Same, Captain," Jean says with a grin and leans back in his chair. "Thanks."

"For me too, please," Armin adds.

Levi nods. Looks at Eren.

Green eyes already look back. His hands are under the table, probably in his lap. By the way his arms move, Levi suspects he is twiddling with his fingers. "Um, whatever you recommend?" His voice is slightly scratchy, and his glance almost timid, but Levi doesn't comment.

Instead he busies himself with fetching them all coffee, tea, pie, and cake. It doesn't matter he and Eren didn't say hello to each other. Not out loud at least. Everyone else is more than eloquent enough for the both of them anyway.

Back behind the counter, Levi doesn't think twice when he reaches for the can containing the Gunpowder. It's green, strong, and warming—hopefully exactly what Eren needs after being on the road for nearly a year.

It seems to be the right choice. Eren smiles, and his eyes lighten up at the sight of the chocolate cake Levi sets before him, alongside five cups of coffee for the others and their cake and pie slices. After handing everything out, he fetches his own cup of Gunpowder and joins them at the table, listening to their stories.

They all fall back into their prior speaking habits as Levi has come to know them, Sasha enthusiastic and almost glowing next to a visibly besotted Connie. Jean retreating from the talk after a while to sketch with observant eyes, astonishingly calm and with a quiet smile tugging at his lips. Armin talking almost as enthusiastically as Sasha, hands whirling, blue eyes wide and clear. Levi nods to encourage his recounting and listens without regrets. Mikasa is observantly quiet as ever. Eren is almost just as close-lipped, though not nearly as composed.

Levi ponders the changes into his own tea. Eren has never been too much of a talker, but he'd never wordlessly sat out a conversation either. Sensing Mikasa's sharp eyes on himself, Levi decides it's best to wait and see if Eren will come out with it, or not.

All that matters at this moment is that they are all home, safe and healthy. They'll stay part of the next month before heading out again. Going by Armin's blatant excitement, this moment can't come quickly enough.

After a while the stories about their adventures abate to make place for questions about HQ and Levi's café. He answers them all. Much too soon, darkness falls, and Sasha unsurprisingly declares she is hungry. Levi nods, glances at Eren, and is almost startled at being met by a pair of big turquoise eyes that don't shy away this time, firmly holding his gaze instead.

Eren lifts an eyebrow in a silent question. Levi nods, unable to hold back a tiny twitch of a smile that he hurriedly hides in his cup.

"I'll stay," Eren announces to the rest of his friends.

A short moment of silence follows before they continue with their previous motions and chatter. Levi stands with them to collect their empty dishes. They all pay and say their goodbyes. Armin nudges an ever-reluctant Mikasa out of the shop. The bell chimes, the door closes, and Eren and Levi are alone. Nerves up in arms, Levi sits back down, only to notice both their cups are empty.

"Refill?" he asks.

"Yes, please," comes the quick reply.

Standing again, Levi makes another round of Gunpowder. Since the leaves are already unfolded, they only need a few seconds of steeping, and soon he is back at the table, wordlessly putting down another plate with pastry that makes Eren's eyes light up. It's one of Norman's cinnamon rolls.

"Thank you." Eren beams.

"Mm." Levi sits, refusing to give in to the urge to rub his sweaty palms on his knees.

Glances go back and forth, a hesitant smile on Eren's side, followed by a shuffling in his chair, and Levi can't feast his eyes enough on him, sitting so close. Somehow, despite the alarmingly worn out appearance, Eren is even more gorgeous than before.

Caught up in the realisation, Levi doesn't even seem to know what words even are anymore. What's to say in a situation like this? An apology is certainly called for. Eren deserves one, in fact it's long overdue, but Levi has no clue where to begin. Behind his joyousness, Levi senses Eren has that solid wall up. He's fidgeting, his shoulders are tense, and the subtly guarded body language reaffirms they will not talk about this. So Levi says nothing, and only looks.

"Never pictured you in a café," Eren begins carefully. He looks up, and his smile feels guarded. It's there though and genuine. It's just as warming as Levi remembers, including the small dimple that appears to have a straight connection to Levi's groin. "It fits you somehow."

"Had to do something, after retirement," Levi says, holding on to his cup's rim. "I couldn't laze around all day."

"Do you like it?" Eren asks, his gaze curious.

"It's not bad. I can drink tea all day. I don't have to shout at people who disobey orders. And if there are unwanted customers, I can kick them out."

The tension in the room snaps as Eren chuckles lightly and begins to dig into the cinnamon roll. "You never shouted. Your glare is much more effective."

Levi snorts.

Eren's grin is blinding, and it's almost too easy to fall back into their old pattern. "Well, I like it. It's cosy. Reminds me a bit of that place we went to. Only better." He lifts the cinnamon roll. "This only adds up to it."

Chest warming in agreement, Levi nods. "You'll have to thank Hanji for the cosy part," he admits. "I'm shit at decorating."

"Still better than me, I suppose." Eren smiles and gives a hum at a bite of pastry that makes Levi's guts heat up and coil as he bites back a responsive groan.

Fingers tightening around his cup, he takes a sip of his tea. Well, at least he can tell Norman, he did a great job perfecting his recipe.

"She said you bought this place the day after we left," Eren continues, aiming for another bite of cinnamon roll. "How did you find it?"

"I was passing and saw it standing empty. It looked right."

Eren nods. "Is this what you always wanted?"

Running his thumb over the smooth china of his cup, Levi orders his voice to stay calm. "Yes, and no."

The frown reappears on Eren's brow. His voice is mild with understanding. "Yeah. I never really dreamed about the ocean either. It was always Armin's wish."

Levi swallows down a lump in his throat. He wants to ask why Eren went then, but he already knows the answer. He also wants to ask why Eren still sits here, but it might push him away. In not knowing anything for certain, Levi can at least pretend Eren wants to be here; that he doesn't see it as a duty to spend his first evening home with a lonely shell of a former soldier, just for old-times sake. No, Levi won't ask about any of that.

"How was it?" he asks instead. He already knows it was marvellous, has seen it in Armin's eyes and sees it now on Eren's face as well.

Eren lifts his shoulders in a shrug. His pastry is finished, and he collects some last crumbs of cinnamon, cardamom, and sugar with his finger. He lifts it to his mouth and wraps his lips around it to suck it clean, only to end up with a dusty smudge of spices on his lower lip. "Kind of hard to describe."

"Do you have some time?" The words slip out completely on their own.

As Eren looks up again, his eyes go wide with what looks like hopeful anticipation. Levi considers it for only a second. "I have bread and cheese upstairs," he offers, forcing his eyes away from the tongue flicking out to lick over the last remains of cinnamon. It's so unlike him to make requests like this. The words continue to fall out of his mouth though before he can hold them back. Eren has always had a way of making him overcome his reservations without even realising until it's too late. It's clear Levi is out of practice in holding his defences safely in place.

Still, Eren visibly perks up at his words. He nods and oh, Levi so much wants to have more time with him.

"Okay," Eren says and the single word makes the oil lamps shine far brighter.

Rising to his feet, Levi beings to collect their dishes. "Let me clean up here first."

"Of course," Eren says, already shifting in his chair, about to stand as well and help.

"No. Stay put," Levi instructs.

"But,"

Levi remains resolute. "I can't have anyone rummaging around in my own workplace."

Eren chuckles and lifts his hands in surrender as he sinks back down. "Okay."

The streetlamps shine through the window. The light catches on Eren's cheekbones, brightens his eyes. It shimmers on the buttons of his uniform, on the muscular lines of his neck, and illuminates his messy hair with a golden glow. His slightly disorderly presence stands so starkly in contrast to Levi's little realm of control he's built around himself, and yet he seems to complete it with an unfathomable ease too. The mere shift to welcome imbalance in the air makes Levi painfully aware of the fact this man, so far out of his reach, is everything he needs.

Eren does this place good as well. No amount of decorating has given the café the spark Levi wanted to make it come alive. Eventually he'd given up on neatly organising everything ever further in his attempts to make it look right. Turns out all it took was Eren to step through the door and sit down. Better yet, he is willing to come upstairs and stay for another hour or two.

Three weeks, Levi thinks as he begins to clean the floor. Three weeks are better than nothing. It's so good to have this comfortable unpredictability back in his life. Even if it's only for a short while, it's a glimpse of better times. It's like opening a fresh can of tea: It won't last too long, but that's no reason to not saviour every little leaf within it. He has this, here, right now. Levi won't let this gift go to waste.

Not this time. Not ever again.

*~*~*~

As he leads Eren up the stairs, Levi allows himself a stealthy but deep inhale of leather and familiarity. He is grateful Eren is too distracted by examining the flat to notice the brief stutter in Levi's steady pace. Eren looks like he belongs here as well while he glances around with open, curious eyes. Nostalgia rises until it almost feels like they are visiting a time when they went to new places during their shared Survey Corps days. When at HQ, Levi would invite Eren for a game of chess at night. Countless memories erupt of when they shared vigils, or simply a quiet evening after training. The old habits kick in, overrule the awkwardness, making it all so easy, and Eren soon begins to talk like he used to before Levi destroyed their friendship.

Content, Levi listens as he cuts bread and spreads it with butter, adds Katinka's goat curd, and brews new tea. Letting Eren's words wash over him like summer rain, Levi basks in his voice. He knows Eren will leave for the night soon. It doesn't matter though. It is all right.

"Do you remember that lake we were at toward the end?" Eren asks after dinner. "The one with the long sandbank?"

Levi nods. "The one with the swans."

"Yeah, that one. The ocean is a bit like that, only so much bigger. Like a hundred lakes at once. You can hear it, and see it, and feel it too. There are hills of sand and they have this waist-high grass on them. The colour reminded me of that awful batch of sencha I once bought. It looked a bit like that. Like fading green. The water changes every day, and with it the sand changes somehow too. It's so salty that you can smell it in the air. A bit like the difference between sun-dried laundry and the one that dried inside. You know?"

Eren sighs and ruffles his hair with an apologetic grimace. "I'm sorry, this doesn't make much sense, does it? It's hard to put into words."

Levi shakes his head. "No, it's fine," he says, having to stop himself from nudging his foot against Eren's for affirmation that he means is. No physical contact is an unsaid rule. He won't be the first to step over that line should it ever happen again. Only Eren can make this call. "I understand," Levi adds.

It's true. As opposed to Armin's complicated description earlier, Eren's words are so much clearer. His whole demeanour tells the rest. His face glows with awe. The expression looks so much like Isabel's did when they first saw the sun over the woods and open plains, that Levi knows exactly what kind of feeling Eren experienced.

"Did you see any new animals?" he asks, recalling Isabel's boisterous delight when they'd seen the first flocks of sheep and the sheer amount of birds, cats, dogs, and other animals on the surface.

"Yeah. The oddest ones were some colourless, glibbery fish things in the water. Saw some funny crawling shell-covered ones on the beach too. Armin called them crabs, I think. I liked the ocean itself most, though. It was so…" Eren searches for a description, his sparkling eyes far away and still here at the same time, making Levi fall and fly.

"Beautiful?" Levi offers.

"Yeah." Eren smiles excitedly, exposing that dimple to Levi again, and somehow it is all too much. "The water was fucking cold though." He takes a sip of his tea.

"You went in?"

Shaking his head, Eren puts down his cup. "Only dipped in my feet."

"Is it really that salty?" Levi asks.

Eren nods. "Yes. Oh, you will like this: Sasha tried to drink it, but even she spit it out again."

Knowing eyes fixate on Levi with unconcealed mirth in a silent challenge. When his involuntary shudder rises at the thought of how bad the water had to taste, not to mention she truly tried to drink it, they glitter with so much glee Levi can't help but smile at himself. Relishing the moment, he refills their tea, emptying the pot and nearly smiling again at the thought how much better it is to share it instead of drinking it alone.

"I remembered my promise," Eren says with a sudden seriousness as he reaches for his cup again. He wraps his fingers around it as if to heat up his hands. "I brought you a stone. You always said you needed a paperweight, and somehow…I don't know."

Lost for words, Levi only looks.

A stone. A paperweight. For him?

"I didn't know if I should wash it first," Eren presses on, more carefully now, his fingers fiddling with the china. A frown is beginning to crease his brow from anew. "But I believe there's still a trace of salt on it, so I didn't. It's silly, really, I know you don't like presents much and…Should I-?"

Pushing himself out of his startlement, Levi straightens in his chair. "No, no. Not at all," he assures. "Thank you."

Eren smiles, relief relaxing his whole body. "Good. I'll bring it by tomorrow then."

Tomorrow. It sounds like a promise.

For a long, warm moment they are silent. Eren's heat radiates off him so intensely it fills Levi's lungs from the short distance, wrapping around him from the inside out, tearing at his chests. Eren smells wonderful. Like sunshine.

Clinging to his sanity, Levi reaches for both their plates and carries them to the sink to give them a grounding wash. The trained movements of the chore help him calm his pulse and recall how to breathe.

When Levi comes back to the table, Eren still is there. He nods at the two armchairs in front of the hearth. "You still have Hanji's gift."

Uncertain whether to sit down again, or not, Levi stands behind his chair, his eyes following Eren's gaze. "Yes," he agrees. With the evening coming to an end, he feels strangely inapt once more. The tension seems to be back too.

"Do you have guests over a lot?" Eren's hands are in his lap under the table again, fingers probably fumbling.

"Not really," Levi hedges, unsure why Eren's voice sounds so uneasy.

"Oh," and then, "what about Hanji?" A mellower note slips into Eren's voice.

Letting his unsteady hands fasten on the wooden backrest of the chair before him, Levi nods. "Every now and then."

Eren's head cocks at a curious angle, a glint of excitement flashing in his eyes. His hands emerge from under the table to come to a rest on the tabletop. "To play chess?" 

"Ha!" It's almost a laugh. Almost. "No."

Eren lifts an eyebrow, so Levi explains. "We tried but gave up after a couple of times. Her way of playing drives me mad. Cheating all the time."

A pleased looking grin cracks Eren's face. "So you haven't been playing at all?"

"No," he says through a tightened throat.

The glance Eren shoots him is almost mischievous. "Does that mean I could have a fair chance of winning then?"

It's a peace offering, and Levi accepts it with a wave of pure relief. "Only one way to find out," he answers. "You take the leather chair, I'll fetch the board. More tea?"

"Yes. Yes, please." Eren beams and stands. "I'll look after the fire."

The familiar contemplative atmosphere settles around them as they set up the board, Levi reaching for the black figures first, Eren taking the light side. Distracted by deciding his first move, Eren worries on his bottom lip. Levi takes him all in, makes himself accustomed with the new lines on Eren's face, refreshes his memories with Eren's smooth movements. Eren has drawn up his legs in an angle to tuck his feet under in a half tailor seat like he only does when he's relaxed. The firelight makes his hair appear almost golden.

It's past midnight when Eren stretches and stands from his chair, announcing he should leave. His smile as he mentions the time is apologetic and almost abashed.

A bit startled by the late hour himself, Levi accompanies him back downstairs.

"Thank you for dinner," Eren says from the other side of the open doorway.

"Mm," Levi hums, sobered by the November night air blowing across his face. After having spent the whole evening in luxurious cosiness, it feels almost shockingly chilling.

"We should do this again," Eren offers. He stands under a street lamp, the light casting down on him and painting him into a figure of light and shadows. The view is almost surreal and if Levi wouldn't have shared a whole evening with him, he wouldn't believe Eren really stood there. But he is standing there, only a few steps away, emitting his warmth right in front of Levi's café, looking dangerously beautiful and out of this world.

Levi nods. "Sure."

After exchanging one last look, he watches Eren go. Back inside the café, all is dark and silent. Upstairs there is a second cup of emptied tea next to his own, a chessboard that hasn't been out of the cupboard for too long, and the lingering scent of Eren everywhere.

In the end Eren hasn't won at chess, but only shrugged it off with a sheepish grin, as always. He ended up talking himself out of his defeat with the endearingly stubborn explanation he didn't practice much during the last year either. His voice still hangs brightly in the room, adding to the simmer of the glowing coals in the hearth. The flat is empty and too orderly again, though it feels completely different. It finally feels warm, and alive.

Three more weeks.


	7. Changes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a pleasure writing this story, and I hope you've been enjoying reading it too. Thank you so much at this point to everyone who's reached out to me about this with feedback, comments, messages, or else. You guys are amazing! With this chapter this prequel will be concluded. The first chapter of Sparrow Revised will follow immediately, because apparently, I can't wait to start sharing it with you. <3
> 
> Have fun! And again: Thank you.

The following day brings multiple surprises at once. It starts first thing in the morning. Hanji waits at the front door of the Sparrow again, next to Evelyn's and Norman's son with the delivery for the day. This time Hanji is not only displaying her usual matutinal deprivation of caffeine, but also fidgets with such blatant exhilaration she can't stand still.

"What an exciting day!" she booms instead of a hello, her arms high in the air, her eyes bright behind her thick glasses.

"Good morning to you too," Levi says flatly. "Bagel?" He flips the sign on the door from 'closed' to 'open' and after taking over the baked goods from Frey, he goes into the staff department to fetch his apron and boil some water. Meanwhile Hanji flops down on one of the bar stools at the counter.

"Yes, and some cake, please," she calls. "Is there still chocolate left? I know you got one for yesterday. And talking about yesterday, what happened last night?"

"Nothing," Levi calls back.

"Hm. Because I already had a very interesting meeting this morning. Two, actually. I swear, this week is full of wonders, even beyond your wildest dreams."

Lifting an eyebrow over her known predilection for exaggeration, Levi fills a small sieve with tea, Gunpowder again, and waits for her to continue. Silence, he's learnt, is always the most effective answer to get people to talk. His tactic doesn't fail now.

"Do you remember when I said I had to recruit an Instructor for our first Trainee Corps that will begin in December? Well," she pauses theatrically, clearly enjoying herself. "I found one. Or rather, he came to me."

She beams.

Levi stares back.

"You really don't know?" she asks with a dumbfounded expression. "It's Eren!"

"Eren." Stomach lurching into freefall, Levi somehow manages to keep his voice flat and his expression right with it.

"Yes. Someone told him about the position. It wasn't you? Honestly, what happened here yesterday?" Hanji digs for information.

"Nothing," Levi answers, arranging the new cakes and savoury buns in the display before serving Hanji her cake. "We drank some tea, ate dinner, and then had a game of chess. He told me about the ocean. It sounded nice."

She accepts her plate and eagerly starts with the first part of her breakfast. Her way of eating isn't even nearly as appealing as Eren's. In her case, eating means stuffing everything into her mouth as quickly as she can and smearing chocolate icing all over her chin. Levi places a napkin in front of her. She wipes her face. "Nice, huh? Interesting. Well, whatever did not happen, he apparently decided to stay. At least for now."

The kettle whistles. Glad for something to distract himself with, Levi infuses her coffee as well as his tea before tending to Hanji's bagel. His heart has begun rioting in his chest over her words. He almost anticipates her confessing she's tricked him with some sort of sick joke for whatever reason.

When he faces her again, however, she's still observing him with an expression that is so obnoxiously happy on his behalf, Levi knows he needs to redirect her attention fast.

"What's Mikasa saying to that?" he asks, fetching the cheese from the staff department. Katinka's goat curd truly is something, and Hanji loves it on her morning bagel.

Hanji rolls her eyes. "You don't fool me you know. Anyway. She doesn't know yet, I guess. At least she hasn't come to see me yet. Jean has, though, and told me when she stays he stays too. Not if. When."

Amused by this part of the news, Levi snorts. Jean has been in love with Mikasa since he first laid eyes on her, and regarding his looks, the affection has only enhanced over the years.

"Yeah, it didn't surprise me much either. That boy is smitten beyond hope." Hanji grins again. Sensing an attempt on her side to turn things back onto his own emotional state, Levi glares back.

"It's good to have them home, isn't it?" Hanji asserts, amused and completely unperturbed by Levi's efforts to intimidate. "There are things happening here again. No more boredom." She winks. "Yes, offence."

"Please save us all from that smug face and drown it in some coffee, will you?" he advises, putting the upper half of her bagel onto the spread part, and setting it before Hanji.

She tosses the whole mug of the scalding brew into her throat in one go, and holds it out again for Levi to refill. "Yeah, I'm happy too."

"Shut up," he grumbles, but the venom he wanted to put into it, fails him completely.

Complying, she begins to eat her bagel at a more regular pace than her cake, and Levi hides his smile behind his tea. It's good today. Uplifting.

More than three weeks. A whole year. At least!

Last night comes into his mind again. Now that he knows Eren is staying, he looks forward to tonight even more. Eren said he's brought him a stone. Levi wonders how it looks like. Perhaps he should make something more than bread and cheese in case Eren is willing to stay for dinner and another game of chess? Potatoes perhaps. Fried, they are Eren's favourite, although Levi has no bacon in his pantry these days. He'll add it to his next list for Svend or ask Arne for some cured boar belly. As for tonight, perhaps Levi could make the potatoes with some sage and garlic instead. It could be nice too.

Levi's period of grace doesn't last long. After their short lapse, Hanji begins to poke, disrupting his reverie. "Did you talk about other things too, yesterday?"

"None of your business." Levi sets his cup down harder than intended.

"That's a no. Isn't it?" He doesn't have to answer before Hanji nods. "Well, while you two had a lovely evening of neither talking nor doing anything, Armin told me Eren hasn't been doing well."

Worry clenches Levi's chest instantly. "How so," he asks, frowning. Armin can be a horrible telltale at times. But in this case, Levi is grateful. If something is wrong with Eren, Levi does want to know, and Armin probably is aware of that. As their Commander, Hanji needs to know too. In addition, Levi assumes Armin was the one who told Eren about the opening Instructor position this morning. Or even directly last night, as soon as Eren arrived back at HQ.

Holding a part of her bagel aloft, Hanji shrugs. "Restless, jumpy, foul mood. Remind you of someone?"

Pointedly ignoring the side blow, Levi recalls the last evening and Eren's behaviour. He may have been restless and jumpy at times, but there was no trace of any foul mood. Was there?

"He's also been eating badly and I quote 'having unfamiliar levels of broody and secluded mood swings, even by his standards' according to Armin and Jean," Hanji continues.

So nothing much has changed after all, aside from possibly having hurt Eren worse than he first thought. Or so Levi concludes with a sinking feeling in his stomach. "Did anything happen on the road?" he asks. Emotional outbursts or anything similar would have been bad, but could at least give him some sort of clue of what to do to fix his previous mistake.

"Not that I know of," Hanji responds with a thoughtful look.

Levi nods.

"I'll have my eye on him," Hanji promises. "At least being back to training will do him good. He is a good soldier, but he isn't much for drawing maps in endless detail type work. Being responsible for a bunch of teenagers will give him a purpose again too, I expect."

Levi hums in approval with his tea cup in front of his mouth.

They get interrupted by a family of three that steps into the Sparrow with harmonious chattering and sleepy, yet relaxed weekend eyes. They're regulars, and the little girl beams up at Levi from behind the counter, showing her gap-toothed smile that's a bit wider than it was the last time she's been here.

"Levi, Levi!" she enthuses, while Hanji greets the three of them with her own grin. "I lost another tooth. Look!"

"Good for you," he answers.

Her smile widens even more. "Can I please draw something again today? I want to draw tooth rainbows."

Whatever that is.

"If you want." Levi produces a small stack of paper and coloured pencils he has in the staff department for exactly this situation and hands it over.

"Thank you," the mother says.

Levi replies with a nod. "What can I get for you today?"

"Tooth rainbows, huh?" Hanji asks, tending back to her coffee and cake. "They sound great."

"They are," the girl says with a sincere expression and Levi smiles. Her happy chatter doesn't solve his current worries, though it is enough to ease them for the time being. He takes their orders and busies himself with preparing everything to carry it to their table.

Back at the counter, Hanji is rising from her seat. Wrapped into her coat and scarf, she searches her pockets and places the money for her breakfast on the counter.

"Thank you," Levi says.

"Always, Levi."

They both know they're not talking about the money.

The rest of the day at the Sparrow is rather quiet. Quiet enough that it fails to push the ever-present buzzing of Eren out of Levi's mind.

Looking at the drawing on his counter, Levi ponders about everything he's heard. He wants to help, but has no clue how to proceed. Should Eren continue to visit, Levi can provide a decent dinner on those days. Knowing Mikasa, Levi guesses she'll have an eye on Eren as well, especially concerning the nutrition part. Levi can try to ease Eren's moods. He laughed yesterday and smiled freely too. He even appeared relatively relaxed and calm compared to before the expedition. At least he did as soon as they were alone and fell back into a familiar procedure. Was last evening an exception? A small glimpse of what once was, or could be again? Then again, Eren has never been able to fake emotions or downright lie. On the contrary, he's never seen much sense in deceit in the first place. He's too straightforward and blunt for any of it. Eren enjoyed yesterday. Levi is certain of it.

The seclusion habit is another thing. Admittedly, it worries Levi most. As long as he can remember, Eren has never liked being alone much. Yes, he comes on a bit too strong for most people, but despite his being more of an outsider, the friends he does have are loyal. He's never actively fled their presence for more than a couple of hours tops. Sure, there'd been lots of moments he needed time alone with his own thoughts for obvious reasons. Everyone had such moments. Apart from sibling spats or other minor disagreements, Eren always was with someone whenever Hanji didn't occupy his time with experiments and Titan studies. It was a given that one would find Eren with either Armin and Mikasa, or with Levi himself. That Eren kept cutting himself off from any company whatsoever during the past year is a very bad sign. The expedition should have done the opposite of turning Eren into a hermit.

A horde of young Trainees under his command, especially with someone demanding like Rita amongst them, could change that, up to a certain point, Levi muses. They will keep Eren busy, and training with them will give him the physical outlet he needs. Something that measuring landscapes with scrupulous accurateness certainly could not.

When the door opens around noon, Levi is still lost so deeply in his thoughts it takes him a moment to fully realise Jean steps inside alone.

He's got a cloth-wrapped bundle under his arm, and looks ponderous as he orders a "chocolate cake with leaf juice, no matter which, please."

He chooses one of the corduroy chairs and it doesn't take long before he produces a second bundle from the inside of his coat, beginning to draw.

Like this he finishes his tea, his cake, then another cup of tea. Standing up after half an hour or so, he gathers his things to leave.

"Thank you," he says as he pays. "It was good."

Levi nods and jerks his chin at the small frame standing on his counter. "Thank you for the drawing."

"Well…actually," rubbing his neck, Jean turns around, and Levi notices the bundle resting on the armchair Jean has vacated. "I brought you another one. I didn't want to bring it yesterday with everyone else around. Still, we all thought you should have it. We owe you a lot. We haven't forgotten that, Captain."

Not really sure how to answer, Levi frowns. "You all did well," he answers finally.

Jean's eyes soften at the words. He clears his throat. "Nice place by the way. I think I shouldn't be surprised. Fits you."

The honest praise elicits Levi a small smile. "Thank you. Again."

Jean's gaze turns curious. "You already heard about Eren?"

"Yes," Levi replies. He's got the feeling with them all being back at HQ the gossip mill is about to flare up like a stack of hay catching fire. Soldiers. Worse than fishwives.

Jean grunts. "Wasn't made for the road, I guess. I have to admit maps are truly fucking boring, though. I don't get what Armin sees in doing all those measurements to make them."

Another small smile tugs on Levi's lips. "Heard you're staying too."

"Seems so." Jean averts his eyes to the sunlit street outside. After a moment he looks back at Levi. "Sometimes all we can do is wait."

Levi understands. He doesn't really know what Mikasa's intentions concerning Jean are, but he has a good feeling about them. "Maybe one day," he says.

Giving a short snort that's not completely dismissive, Jean smiles. "Yeah, same. For what it's worth, he's already looking better today. Less miserable at least."

Wondering what Jean means, Levi doesn't reply.

Jean jerks his head at the parcel on the armchair. "Open it alone."

"I will," Levi assures.

"See you soon, Captain."

Levi smiles at the lingering title and gives Jean a nod. "Yes."

After answering Levi's nod with a smile of his own, Jean puts his defensive scowl back onto his face, and leaves the Sparrow with his nose pushed into his scarf.

With him gone, Levi collects the empty dishes from the coffee table to wash. The rectangular package on the armchair he carefully picks up and brings behind the counter, letting his hand rest on it for a curious moment. There are no customers in the café. After everything is tidied up, and every tabletop wiped, Levi brews himself a celebratory cup of Earl Grey and then approaches the gift again.

The protecting cloth is strapped together by twine that easily opens up with a pull. As the image is revealed, Levi appreciates with an approving swoop of his stomach Jean didn't bring it yesterday when Sasha and Connie would have wanted him to open it right away. He doesn't know what mix of emotions must be written across his face, but he does know it takes him far too long to recollect himself and put on his usual, impervious facade.

Jean's characteristic, rough but powerful lines of coal show three soldiers: one with pitch black hair like Levi's own, before it started to turn grey. One with light hair as the sun, and the one in the middle with a ruffled mop of locks blowing wildly in the wind. They stand on the sand, Eren without boots, Armin pointing at something in the distance. Mikasa's scarf a dark ribbon fluttering in the wind. All three look at the horizon over an endless field of rippled water.

The image is already framed by solid dark wood. A securing glass shields its surface from harm while its back is strengthened as well. It's perfect. Levi knows exactly where it has to be hung. This picture is far too beautiful to be hidden upstairs where no one but him, and his one to two guests can see it.

Determined, he fetches a nail, a hammer, a pendulum, and a chair. He places a ragged cloth on its base, and lifting himself onto it with his slightly protesting foot, he begins with his work. Not five minutes later, Levi steps back to inspect the wall from a few meters afar. He smiles, knowing he made the right choice.

If this means he's being an old dimwit for giving it the place of honour behind the counter, so be it. Levi has never much cared about other people's opinions, and he won't start now.

He's still thinking this when, about half an hour later, Mikasa enters the café.

"I've been expecting you," he states, taking in her grim expression. "Coffee again?"

"Yes," she says. Frowns. "Please."

Bracing himself for a straining conversation, Levi pours her a cup and waits for her to begin talking. As always, she comes right to the point.

"Why didn't you ask him to stay when we left?" she demands sharply, her hands holding on tight to her coffee.

"He wanted to see the world," Levi answers calmly. "He needed space. I didn't want to confine him. I wouldn't."

Relaxing slightly on the bar stool, Mikasa nods. When she talks again, her voice is more temperate again, almost assuaged. "Could I have a piece of cake too, please? That apple pie was good yesterday."

Levi fetches her a piece.

"He wasn't happy," she says after her first bite. "It was like watching him die all over again."

It stings, probably just like she wanted it to. Levi takes a breath and makes himself a fresh cup of herbal infusion. "And what do you want me to do about that?" he asks forthrightly.

"I thought you'd want to fix that." Her words are harsh, her gaze, however is not. It's contemplative and worrying.

"Do you know how?" Levi asks mildly.

Mikasa frowns. "No."

Infusing his tea leaves with hot water, Levi remains silent.

"I thought you would," she adds. Her thumb is running over the cup in her hand, and by the way her mouth forms a thin line, Levi assumes Mikasa is trying very hard not to bite on her lip.

He gives her a brief, apologetic shake of the head. "No." Steam rises from the tea pot before him, already carrying the sweet, fragile flavour of roses, lavender, and chamomile.

"The ambush in the heavy fog that day…" Her nose nuzzles briefly into her scarf while her hands still for a moment. Levi swallows, already having a sense of what's coming. "He went to your rooms afterwards."

"Yes," he says.

They share a long look. Mikasa blushes, and nods.

Well, Levi thinks. At least there was no need to actually say it out loud. Not that he's ashamed for what they did. He doesn't quite know the right words to confess to having pinned one's brother into the mattress and fucked him until he screamed for more. Perhaps not with that amount of detail would be a start, Levi muses.

"After that," Mikasa continues quietly, "I couldn't talk to him like before. When I could again, it was too late. We already were on our way. And his mind was locked up."

"I see." Levi refills Mikasa's cup. He can picture her trying to approach Eren over the last couple of months, and Eren constantly fending her off with a scowl.

"I thought," she begins, drawing small patterns onto her plate with the fork. "Why?"

"I don't know," Levi admits. "He left without a word. I didn't want to push him."

"I'm not mad at you," she explains, frowning again. "I was at first. But I don't know what I'd have done in your place."

Levi smiles briefly. "Renovated?" he offers. "Stayed busy?"

"Probably." Mikasa smiles back and it is genuine.

"This café," she begins carefully, taking a glance at the dark wooden interior. "It looks like him."

Heat prickles on Levi's back. It feels wrong to expose his feelings like this, to her or to anyone, really. Levi guesses he owes her this much though. He nods. "It does."

"It's beautiful and warm." 'Just like he is,' her eyes add. 'You wanted him here with you.'

Holding her gaze, Levi swallows. "Yes."

"He doesn't know," she concludes.

Levi shakes his head and blinks. Speaking seems hard. "No."

"Should I tell him?" she offers.

He looks up from his hands, trying to convey what he can't put into words. "No," he says again.

She nods. "I won't."

"Thank you." Levi exhales heavier than normal.

After a quiet moment of pie, coffee, and tea, her hands clench around her cup. "How does it feel? Losing him like that."

"Do you really want to know, Mikasa?" Levi asks mildly.

Her nose pushes back into her scarf. "I guess not."

They drink. For once, the silence between them is nothing but friendly.

"Jean was already here," she says, looking up at the drawing behind the counter, and then at the second, smaller drawing. Her eyes soften. "From when is this?"

Levi looks at the drawing too and feels the last bit of tension abate. "The day you left."

"He really has a talent for drawing." She smiles quietly. "You already know we're staying."

Levi smiles back. "Yes. Your Commander told me."

Mikasa spears the last apple slice from her plate. "I've got the feeling Hanji had this planned. I smelled it right away when we came back. She started talking about it at dinner. You should have seen her. She looked like it was war again. Too damn happy."

Levi sighs. "She's nosy as fuck."

Mikasa's gaze is knowing and fond. "Armin too."

"We can be lucky they'll only have three weeks to scheme then. These two in one room is a dangerous combination."

Her smile widens, reaching all the way up to her eyes, and it's almost conspiratorial.

Somehow Levi knows with a strange feeling of warm gratitude, that for the first time in a very long while, he's got a family again. A real one.

"Tell me," he says, offering her a second piece of cake. "What will you do next?"

*~*~*~

Dinner that night, once more, is accompanied by Eren.

Stepping into the café at half past six, he sits down in the same place as the day before. He once more orders whatever Levi recommends, and delights Levi with his presence in the Sparrow until closing time.

He doesn't leave when Levi locks the door, and Levi basks in the prospect of another evening with a shared cup of café closing tea. As long as Eren wants to stay, Levi will encourage him.

He tidies up, slips out of his apron to hang it onto its hook in the staff department, and supplies himself with another cup of Earl Grey before joining Eren at the table.

He already awaits him with a gorgeous smile. "Jean brought you our gift," he says, looking at the drawing.

"He did," Levi agrees.

"It looks good up there. Takes me back, actually." Mirth glitters in his eyes. "But don't tell Horseface that. He might take it as a praise."

Secretly delighted by Eren's ease and the fact at least some things never seem to change, Levi smirks back. "I won't."

"Good." Eren grins.

"You have another drawing by him," he says after a while, sounding serious. His nod points at the small frame on the counter itself.

"Found it on my doorstep the day you left," Levi replies.

"I didn't know." Eren bites on his lip and frowns. "Why isn't it upstairs?"

"It felt better down here," Levi evades, definitely not thinking about the nights he's stared at it, as if looking at it long enough would bring it to life. "Does it bother you?"

"No." Eren shakes his head. "No."

They drink tea.

Their familiar silence settles around them once more, and Levi relaxes into it. The moon is bright that night, already hanging high in the sky. It's casting its light onto the street outside. People walk past the window. Eren eats his cake and groans softly. Levi is doomed.

"I brought you your stone," Eren says when he's finished and sets aside the fork.

"So many gifts in a day, huh? Almost feels like my old team missed getting bossed around out there," Levi replies, voice firm, face set. "Lucky me."

Chuckling, Eren reaches into his left chest pocket. He leans forward with a lingering smile, and places the rock onto the table with long, slender fingers.

Levi forces himself to wait until Eren has leaned back again, before he reaches out to inspect the stone from each side in the candlelight. It's a tiny stone, a bit bigger than a regular pebble, maybe as big as a chestnut. It is flat, and iron grey. The surface is completely smooth and almost warm to Levi's touch. Slightly off centre, a small hole runs all the way through.

The wish he could give something back is overpowering. At the moment, he has nothing though, so he only looks across the table as he closes his hand around his gift, and says: "Thank you, Eren."

"Mm. You're welcome," Eren says. And then, carefully, hesitantly almost, a foot nudges against Levi's.

Stomach lurching into freefall, Levi holds Eren's gaze. Holding his breath, he nudges back, and Eren's following smile is all Levi sees.

Five gifts in one day, Levi thinks, drowning whatever wants to spill out of his mouth in his tea. It might not be exactly how things used to be, but Levi definitely seems to have his friend, of not his heart back. It's so much more than enough for now. The important thing is they're both here, and Eren, though still keeping Levi out of some parts of his thoughts, is letting him in again.

When their tea is finished, and Eren still doesn't make any attempts to leave, Levi asks, "hungry for dinner?" and is rewarded with another one of these almost too bright smiles, forming around a warm "yes."

Eren immediately stands up and, leaving the money for his tea and cake on the counter next to the till, he stubbornly heads towards the staff department as if he had every right to be there.

Levi follows, deciding to give up on forbidding Eren to help because it's clear Levi doesn't stand a chance in this particular case. When Eren wants to wash his own dishes, he will wash his own dishes.

"Pighead," Levi mumbles with a smile from deep within.

Eren laughs.

Back upstairs again, Levi once more prepares their dinner and tea. As he fetches the potatoes and produces a pan, Eren lights up so brightly Levi wonders how he doesn't explode.

"Fried potatoes!" he enthuses. "I can't tell you how much I missed those."

"No bacon today," Levi says with an excusing frown.

Eren snorts. "A fat lot I care. Everything is better than those fucking protein bars at this moment."

Levi smiles.

Once they sit down at his small kitchen table to eat, Eren bites into a piece of sage-flavoured potato with a happy sigh alongside a melting motion, swallows, and looks right into Levi's eyes. His jaw is set in a way that tells Levi he is about to make an announcement.

"I'll stay," Eren says. And after a brief pause he hastily adds: "I mean at HQ. I won't join the Exploration Team when they'll leave in three weeks."

"I know," Levi says, not able to hide his smile at Eren's stunned gape. "Hanji rushed over even before I opened to tell me," he explains.

"Oh, all right." Eren shifts his chair and when he looks up again his eyes are worried. "I um, I hope this is all right for you."

Levi swallows at Eren's concern. "You can do whatever you want to, Eren. I won't stand in your way if this if this is your honest choice."

"Yes, but…" Eren's eyes slide downwards as if they were fascinated by the scratches in the old tabletop, giving Levi a little push.

"You'll be a good Instructor," he says, meaning every word. He already can see it. Eren would be amazing, in whatever he set his mind to. Hard not to with his determination and his constant drive to make the best out of a situation. "They'll be lucky to have you."

"Good," Eren says as his body relaxes. "Good. Mikasa wants to stay too," he adds with a frown. "And apparently Jean will as well."

Levi wonders how much Eren knows. As opposed to Jean, Eren never has been much of an observing type when it came to certain things. Well, most human emotion-specific things, really.

"Una will take care of cartography lessons, as far as I know," Eren continues. "She was planning to stay anyway for map copying. Can't say that I mind," he adds sheepishly.

Piercing a piece of potato, Levi shoots Eren a sympathetic smirk. "What does Armin say about you three staying here?"

Eren rakes a restless hand through his hair. "He understands. He even looked…relieved? I don't know. It was weird," he concludes.

Fighting the urge to reach out and mess Eren's hair up even more, Levi keeps his own hands busy with his cutlery. "Will you miss it?" he asks, the question slipping out before he knows if he should ask.

Eren shrugs and his shoulder sag slightly. His frown, however, is stubborn, and full of courage. "I don't know. It certainly will be odd to see Armin leave. We've never been apart for a long period of time."

Levi refills their tea.

"Is it hard?" Eren blurts out. "Teaching, I mean?"

"It depends," Levi says, biting back a smile. Though Eren has decided to stay, he apparently didn't give his decision to teach twelve-year-olds too much consideration. If at all. In that respect, Eren hasn't changed either. "With some people it's easy," he continues. "With some it's not. Some are naturals and don't need much guidance. Others bite their way through with willpower and determination. They all need different types of help, but you'll know when you're there."

Eren nods and casts a hopeful glance at Levi. "Will it be all right if I ask you things? You know, if I need help from time to time? Only at first," he adds hastily. "Until I get a hang of teaching that is."

"Of course," Levi says, holding Eren's gaze. "You can always come to me."

"Good." Nodding once more, Eren relaxes and sighs with relief. "Thank you."

"Any time," Levi promises and Eren smiles.

They continue eating. The sage to the fried potatoes was a good decision. It's fresh and soothing, and Eren makes little noises of comfort as he empties his plate.

Stars twinkle on the other side of the window. Calm, synchronising breaths fill the naturally stretching silence with a feeling of rightfulness and long-missed ease.

Eren is still smiling. Levi can feel it on his arms without even having to look. With Eren, Levi can sense it in the air, and hear it in Eren's unspoken thoughts. The tea warms Levi's hand. He's fed, and his heart is back. It's good. So very good, and for the first time in his entire life, Levi feels he's home.

Eventually, their eyes meet again, and Eren grins with an enticing twinkle in his eyes. "Can we have another game of chess?"

"Yes," Levi says, and stands to fetch the chessboard.

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is loved. <3

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Nuthatch](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13550094) by [attraversiamo19](https://archiveofourown.org/users/attraversiamo19/pseuds/attraversiamo19), [sugarplumsenpai](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sugarplumsenpai/pseuds/sugarplumsenpai)




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